Sorbet Lemon

In search of liberty

2012-01-14T21:23:00.001-08:00

i came across this blog of my friend and her friend posted this. would like to share to you all.

Thou speaketh but who shall be thy listener?
Thou asketh but who shall answereth thee?
For he that speaketh is dumb and deaf
And he that asketh is a fool

Who careth for the sick?
Who giveth his food to the poor?

Care-less art thou?
For thou occupieth thy day with thy own interest
Free thyself from all things
And knoweth that thou has a purpose in life

Taketh hold of thy precious ones
Showeth love at all time
Lest thou regret

author : Safiya

well, i thought of adding a little modern twist, a reply to the poem.

some are not dumb or deaf when the speak,
for some words are spoken for the other,
or fools for those who ask what's life indeed,
but answers to make a difference for one other.

leave alone those who define life of own interest,
for they were not wrong, perhaps succumbed to selfishness,
but who to blame as the world had its own way,
for everyone to define their own happiness.

who careth for the poor,
who careth for the sick?
says you, but had we done all
or some to help, you began to pick.

for i believe that life's not that easy as how it is written,
and reality is harsher even before experience had spoken,
be let remind us, to not abandon those who's unfortunate,
and bless them with our blessings on what's enough to be given.

for i believe that the chain of love will flow,
lets just no see how many life's we have touched,
but how many individuals who do the same,
and inspired them that the world is a place for every one,
who deserved much...

Malaysian Public Universities, had they transform your life?

2011-11-17T17:38:00.000-08:00

That day, one of my friend asked me about how the university that i am studying in transform my life. it brought me back to not long ago to days that seemed like yesterday. how much had changed yet not much to be remembered of but the unfamiliar and newly craved memories once i stepped foot in this university. snapping back from my reverie, what had malaysia public university had transformed me, i thought, or should public U that should undergo transformation.

as sarcastic and unappreciative as human sometimes can be, other universities are always seen better than the one you are in. the water not clean lar, no electricity lar, room dirty lar, lecturer lazy lar, exam difficult lar, internet working in tortoise speed lar, every thing and anything from minor to major problems could be made in complaints submitted to different authority in charge. Yet, this could never had happen if we are provided with, let alone top class facilities, adequate and enough facilities will stretch our lips eventually.

perhaps if i would list down a top 10 or top 100 most wanted facilities that public university notoriously lacked of, it would make one hell of long post which, i don't think any of the readers would even scroll down to read.

well, i think i should list down some to brighten up your days.

a tortoise affair.
nope, not about rocket science on the biology on tortoise, but simply an analogy to describe our own notorious internet connection speed. Gosh, stream Youtube pun tak boleh while some university blocked such amazing websites. it is perhaps a good thing for those who glued to the computer screen. yet when it comes to urgent times when you desperately would sacrificed everything just to had it a little faster, in internet, so called borderless invention, disappointing you every single time. yea... like the Y U NO GUY saying, Internet, Y U NO MOVE!!

You have reached number 1700, please come again earlier tomorrow.
oh, i never thought university has such thing... i was pretty dumbfounded at the innocent ticket machine when i proceed to pay my bills at the Jabatan Bendahari. My mouth was technically open wide inviting countless of flies upon seeing such unbelievable incident, IN HERE. @@

WATER WATER WATER.
its pathetic to even be afraid of applying shampoo because the water could be cut off all of sudden. witchcraft? hahaha... i doubted it, seriously. i haven been to that situation before, just being a good Samaritan to voice out dissatisfaction.

( having the tendency to write Niamah!! ) but well, its not good to copy from others people style.

well, enough of ranting and all. like the saying goes, no matter how you hate university, you will miss it when you are about to live. i am pretty much in that position now.. so... enjoy your university life flers...

coming to a start

2011-11-09T19:29:00.000-08:00

finally, a new blog post...

after a long long time, finally i have the time to at least crap here. being busy with assignments and all and my new found interest in reading niamah.blogspot.com, making me a fan of that fler author. he is crude and downright honest to what he wrote not forgetting to inject some homour in the process of criticizing his country. well, skepticism sparks curiosity, followed his blog every since.

well, just not in the mood to blog lar ...

will not be gearing with more articles in days to come. dont have the feelings. sigh..

when starbucks doesn't taste like premium coffee.

2011-08-08T06:45:00.000-07:00

first and foremost, i hate anonymous people harassing my chat box on the side.
and second, i am blogging out of boredom.

its been quite a while since i blog. honestly, its really been a long time since i have written something meaningful. yup, so i was having a cup of grande java chip frappuchino with my fellow friends, that particular cup of finely brewed coffee did not taste the same anymore. maybe i was too engulfed with privacy and my own undisturbed proximity as i had hang out in starbucks alone most of the time that i came to forget a the company of my fellow friends. seriously, it tasted very different and i perfectly sure that i preferred the former one.

that leads me to think of something. when we had things, pretty beautiful things too often, it will lost its own value. that once ought to be the premium coffee brewed to perfection with tits and tiny bits of chocolate chip shimmering through the plastic cup, is none that another drink that burns the pocket. okay, not to exaggerate. i tasted just okay to me. maybe i am that kind of person that is outgoing and constantly seeking new experience, new food, new inspiration. but what i am really trying to say is, too much of something is bad enough. even cooking master boy the anime feature an episode whereby the villager are poisoned by a fake deity that offer them high quality abalone everyday. in order to get that, they have to trade in cash and jewels for that. soon, they forgotten their own beliefs and taken the path of greed and restless life.

i think i should start my journey doing new things that i have never done before. haha..

end

:)

2011-08-04T09:18:00.000-07:00

part of being mature and growing up is, when i need someone, no one is there to listen, then only i know that sometimes i need to tackle alone. thats reality, thats world

excerpts from Have a Little Faith - Mitch Albom

2011-07-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

"I envy you"
"why do you envy me?" i said.
"'Because when you lose someone you love, you can curse God. You can yell. You can blame him. You can demand to know why. But i don't believe in God. I'm a doctor! And i couldn't help my brother!'
"he was near tears. 'Who do i blame?' he kept asking me. " there is no God. I can only blame myself.'"
The Reb's face tightened, as if in pain.
"that."he said softly,"is a terrible self-indictment."
Worse than an unanswered prayer?
"oh yes. it is far more comforting to think God listened and said no, than to think that nobody's out there."

*******************************************************

most religions warn against war, yet more wars have been fought over religion than perhaps anything else

*******************************************************

having more does not keep you from wanting more. and if you always want more - to be richer, more beautiful, more well known - you are missing the bigger picture, and i can tell you from experience, happiness will never come.

baby are born with a clenched fist, because a baby, not knowing any better, wants to grab everything, to say the whole world is mine. when an old person dies, he does it with hands open, because he had learned a lesson. "we can take nothing with us"

what makes a man happy?
"be satisfied"
"be grateful"

*******************************************************

can you predict which marriages will survive? i asked
"sometimes," he said, "if they're communicating well, they have a good chance. if they have a similar belief system, similar values, they have a good chance."
what about love?
"love they should always have. but love changes"
what do you mean?
"love - the infatuation kind - "he's so handsome, she's so beautiful" - that can shrivel. As soon as something goes wrong, that kind of love can fly out the window.
"on the other hand, a true love can enrich itself. it gets tested and grows stronger. like in fiddler on the roof. you remember? when Tevye sings "do you love me?'?" whose love is proven through action, not words. "when she says, 'How can you ask if i love you? look at all I've done with you. what else would you call it?'
"that kind of love - the kind you realize you already have by the life you've created together - that's the kind that last

sorbet lemon

what's on the news...

2011-07-03T20:51:00.001-07:00

Life so short...

HANGED for a traffic summons? WALAOEH... what's got into the head of this 15 year old? i believe he is old enough to live up to the consequence of riding a motorbike without a license. apparently i was wrong. coming back home with teary eyes and suffer a expected scolding from his parents - and end his life after that? Gosh... how could he live up with his sins (well, not technically)? taking a cowardly exit to a mere wrong-doing and causing endless guilt and unstoppable tears to the parents, it was the last thing that every teenagers could have wanted for. a life of endless beautiful hopes and dreams vanish like harry potter with his portkey.

1Malaysia is not just about two person...

referring to a person's letters in The Star, a young malay helping a chinese stroke sufferer across the road. what i deem him to be is as a good Samaritan. yes, the sight where people put aside racial differences is a sight to be cherished and admired. yet, one thing to begin with, the written words in this letter had already put them in two separate individuals on what should be deemed as one. to achieve unity between racial, we should never regard anyone by the colour of their skin but as the citizen of this country. set apart the differences and envelope with similarities. if we are able to see this eye to eye, we aren't so different after all.

Thank God its friday

2011-06-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

of wet lips and sexy body, and this mutual queer love in between. i've been reading a book on Malaysian queer anthology and fascinated at the different lives people are leading in different part of the world. yet, it is the same, the same human touch, the same human feelings, the same thought that it seemed queer to others might not be as queer to them. those feelings are sacred for people who are attracted to the same sex...

somehow i wonder, how life would have different for all of us. a gentle reverie drift into the deepest core of my mind. bringing fond memories as well as fouled. imagine someone who share the same route in one time, separated and leading into different route. the feeling of knowing how are they doing seems intriguing and nonetheless interest me to ask about their well being it.

the ones taking another step in private institution are definitely a different experience to those taking public universities. and now i soon to know, talking to them are great as you know how they have been and what are the differences in between. seriously, private cost more but it is no all cons they have. at least they prove to have better facilities perhaps. minus the young lecturer, i would loved to turn back a year or two to study in privates.

looking back at the various status and tweets of my fellow fiends, a simple rant could send me wandering on my wildest imagination. sometimes i wonder, what would their lives be like? how many labyrinth they've gone through? are their life interesting? what have they done throughout the years after form 5? are they still in love with their favourite artist and talk to everyone about it?

looking back at my poetry book, memories that lingers within words never fail to reminisce the time we cried and the times we laugh, and of course, how stupid that we have been. life is amazing only if you think it is.

well, today is friday, its gonna be awesome with a capital A. hahahhaa

wheE~~

a secret rendezvous

2011-06-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

again i came to this familiar place,
of sweet aroma of dimmed little lights,
with two stars beside a virgin face,
the brewing aroma waft through the night.

it was a secret rendezvous between me and you,
one that we promised a place to call our own,
i was first love forever true,
you're the one that claimed my throne.

we would always meet once in a while,
with us apart, our love grew stronger,
for you had never cease to make me smile,
every time we spend time with each other.

yet we soon had to part,
but all is worth the trip,
you're the one in my heart,
forever my miss java chip.

a glimmer of hope, yet...

2011-06-08T08:13:00.000-07:00

Finally, someone is talking some sense in the newspaper. Johor had fully discourage and further abhor the Obedient wives club. but sad to say, it takes feel days to sunk into the minds of people that this is not only a disgrace to women, but also treated woman like a tool, tainted the perception of marriage, and downgraded the society. for someone not as strong in religion as me, i too know that as individuals, we should not treat each other as a tool, let alone someone that we vowed to love for the rest of our lives. so all hail Johor for voicing it out in the newspaper. obviously speaking, this initiative is a hands down, most ridiculous initiative of all. "... to provide better than first class prostitute to satisfy your husband." such phrase disgust me, immediately shutting my eyes and sinking into my palms. sigh...

Prema Yin's new video. - photo taken from eric blog -

yet another turbulence made by Prema Yin's new music video - marilah / addicted. it definitely fits to my thesis title and much to criticize about. showing herself in a cameltoe and bathrobes trying to seduce a malay actor seems to be speaking volume than merely lyrics sung a different tone with the movement of her lips. so, on and on people are commenting on it, and i guessed it's tomuch to handle with such a thing in one day.

totally exaggerating post.

Jarod Lim

day to day updates on blog.

2011-06-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

already one month into my honeymoon holiday and don't seemed to be making a progress down here. it came to a routine of my daily life of reading newspaper, exploring culinary sometimes, lunch, story books and in search for new words, dinner, photoshop or thesis. all in all slided in 1 -2 hours craze of gaming. well well well, should really take up blogging AND writing poem again. now now, where do i start.

every morning i would religiously flipping the newspaper for any stories. yet, every time i do, the endless struggle of political backstabs tire and bore me. then it was that sex video and the trial of Dominique Straus -Kahn that go on every single day (or once every two days ). from what i thought that Malaysia is making a progress in the country, then this Obedient Wife Club thing in Malaysia lament that husband stray because of the wife (or wives) aren't satisfying the husband, that leads him to philandering act. Wow, i surrender my hand and gently take a bow. even after a century off the new millennium, our bodies are living in in the newest century but our minds are trapped in feudal age. an extended mockery to marriage and it definitely gives love a bad name. now, lets wait for more news on the 500 lucky selected person to get the scholarship offered.

to get good grades in malaysia, its not a hard thing to do. but mostly what employers want are the extra edge of every individuals. think about it.

after 2 months in AIESEC. there is nothing more of me to it. what was one the incandescent flame erupted from the core and turn to just a flicker of fire. throughout the years there are more hurt and pain that beautiful memories to stay. and too bad to say, i greatly plan to invest more faith on other things that what i once thought worthwhile. after all, it was a great mistake.

spending the week with loved ones made my felt energetic again. it was very fun spending my time and love with my dearest girl. *blush.

well, time to kick start the day with a more disciplined routine and not put time to waste. rock and roll :)

jarod lim

why the fuse anyway?

2011-05-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

The Star had a advertorial on MyEmail... yet i am not convinced with the answers given.

why tri cubes ?
yes, they said "MAMPU and GITN's selection were best -in-practice technology, sustainable business modelm track record and security. MAMPU and GITN adjudged that Tricubes met or surpassed these benchmarks". but the fact remains that Tricubes is not financially stable and if the government purely want to make MyEmail the technology that owns by fellow Malaysians, letting Tricubes be the pioneers of this 1Malaysia Email will only show us how lackadaisical is the the government as though they are planning to fail. if only the intentions are purely for this project.

yet there are some unresolved questions. i believe that this advertorial is set to inform and convince people that MyEmail will be the medium of communication between the government and the citizens.

as such:

* how long will it take for the government to ensure 90%+ people has email ?
* what will government do if citizen do not apply for the email? will the government save 50 sen with that?
* does the government still to send snail mails to those without internet access?

the KPI set by Tricubes to gain 100% usage of fellow Malaysians aged above 18 of MyEmail is an unachievable goals.

Logic tells me that not even 100% of the people are using an internet or not within the range of internet access, let alone the premature KPI set by Tricubes. an unreachable mark that will only dampen even more the trust of malaysians towards this initiative.

Well, the good news is, since it is not a compulsory act that all of us should sign in to this email account, why fuse over it? since the government suggested that Tricubes will be paying 100% of the RM 50m on this. yet, we should be vigilant, for our voices are the witnesses of this initiatives.

:)

anyway, i dont understand they refer fellow malaysians citizens as rakyat. i mean something else... really.

the book of failures

2011-04-20T11:55:00.000-07:00

nothing could have explain more to this relentless sleepless nights.

looking back at the days, life hasn't been treating me all fair enough. it came to the extend that i realized i complained too much about life. i guess somethings humans are like that, when life are giving you a piece of chocolate, you wanted one with extra sweet and creamy Belgium chocolate...

(i can believe i am actually typing in the dark)

this semester are full of failures to me...

first, it was about my course. i was so passionate in being part of a team of young and talented soon to be reporters. i was the editor back then and equally lost like the other course mates. i knew nothing about editorial stuffs until i learn from it, the hard way. i could say that i've been through the smoothest journey but would expected a systematic way of education. i was wrong. i wasn't been exposed to it. we are here to learn but not merely getting the job done at the given time. 14 weeks is way too short for me to pull things through and juggling 7 subjects. i was really having fun in multiple camera production and aimed to be the best. well, it slided off the other way round. i just felt wasn't satisfied.

the only great thing is i managed to write my thesis in English. it is not that i cannot write in BM or what, its just that yes, i do not have the proficiency in BM, expressing the things i wanna write down in my thesis, one important assignment that i think is most important to me. the second thing is i felt so so so much more attached to my thesis because i can write in english. Since young, we are thought of doing the things we loved. some paint a beautiful art, some wrote great poems, some has the skills in photoshop, while some some had the amazing skills in computing. all of us can do that, but what makes it different is how different individuals using different ways to put their interest, their passion, their soul in it. that is all it takes to makes someone and something special - doing the things we loved.

and i am sure that 80% of the things we do are what we need to do but not what we loved to do. more than 70% of people i dare say, doesn't love their job. but we need to survive. reality aint that perfect after all isn;t it ?

and at the bleak of hope, our government is spending a lump sum of money on things we do not need. its like selling fish to a fishmonger, a so out-of-line and stupid metaphor it seems, but nonetheless the perfect complement to this approach. referring to the former post, i started to thing, am i from the betrayed generation? how could. this. idea ever surface in the minds of our leaders? how could this not possibly spend in :
~ saving the environment : fully implement no plastic week, polystyrene usage at least in education institutes level, talking about green earth, use have the bucks to plants the tree...
~ social and community : talking about a video of a snatch thief went viral, talking about endless mat rempit that smashed my friend's car, talking about the discrimination of LGBT in Malaysia, talking about maid abuse, baby dumping, rape and molestation...
~ poverty : may the richer gets richer and the poor left unknown, unseen, unprotected.

i am disappointed. very disappointed. i hope i can be more patriotic, at least taught to be. there are a million reasons to just simply give up on this frivolous talks in my blogspot, but no. i have a say. so much so for the betrayed generations, i have, a say. one that would not "kao tao" to whatever deemed to be good for us when in fact not.

yes, the journey begins here. a journey for a better future. there will not be a joke anymore.

i pledge, bittered and scarred, that there will be a glimmer of hope for my future generation, and theirs too.

from a citizen of the betrayed generation
sorbet lemon, blogs

bleak from hope

2011-04-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

been through this note post in Facebook. its something to share about.

My name is Tan Shang Neng, I am 23 years old. I hail from Klang, Selangor. And I am from the 'betrayed generation'.

My elders have often used my name, together with my peers of my generation (what may well be the youth today), to justify a lot of their actions. They say they are doing this for the betterment of our future, they are doing that to ensure that the youth will have something worthwhile to inherit.

They say that they have the youth's, and the youth's children-to-be's, best interest at heart.

That is when they degrade our education system, making a foolery out of it. That is when they conduct government awards of businesses behind closed doors. That is when Chief Ministers become billionaires. That is when they destroy our rainforests. That is when they agree to allow Lynas to open a rare earth processing plant. That is when they close both eyes when there are still thousands homeless; people go hungry every night, even in the heart of KL. That is when they rig our elections. That is when they insult each other, degrade the women, kill the men. That is when all they teach us do to, is to hate one another. To identify with colour first, being Malaysian second.

They did and still do all those in the name of the betterment of the youth.

Recently, they have promised us change. March 8 tsunami. RPK. Anwar. KJ. 1Malaysia. Birth of alternative media. Sure-fire two-party system.

We bought into all that, all of us youth. We were hopeful dreamers swept up by the promise of a new world order, or at least a new Malaysian order. One based on merits. One built again from the blood and sweat of those who promised to keep our futures secured, to return us to the path of guaranteed glory.

Years on, we are no where nearer to finding that path.

We are the betrayed generation.
Our trust has been betrayed.
BN, PR. Look at them.
Mainstream media, alternative media. Look at them.
MCA, DAP. Look at them.

They are out there for number one: themselves.

We are the betrayed generation. We are taught to be subservient. To kowtow. To have blind faith.
That is flying in the face of what we have been promised.

The truth of the matter is, Najib, Anwar, KJ, Karpal, LKS. They are old fools, their minds blurred to our needs. They see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. And we, the betrayed generation, are far from their plans. Their world is one of pure politics, expedient survival being the key. They are politicians.

We are at a time when politicians are what we need least. We need statesmen. We need real heroes. It is time for another revolution, but we need a beacon to come together. We will not find this beacon from the senile oldies. Their version of politics is a very different one to what we aspire to one day have. They are the lost generation, by their own doing.

Are you going to be my beacon? Or are you going to run away, be lost like them all? I need a point, a focus, a flag I can identify with. To lead me on. We, the youth - the future - need this.

We need a leader from amongst ourselves. Young, hopeful, daring to dream.

I look to my Malaysian peers who have had the opportunity to go abroad. The UK, US, Australia, India, Indonesia, Russia. We have had the benefit of the impetus from abroad, we have seen the world from without the tempurung that is Malaysia.

Will one of you be my beacon? Or will you, like our forefathers, allow the generations-to-come to continue being the betrayed generations, finally one lost to the winds.

My name is Tan Shang Neng. I am 23 years old. I hail from Klang, Selangor. I am Malaysian, and I am still hopeful.

****************

1) The phrase "...kill the men..." has been used for poetic purposes. To date, no person has been literally killed, not to the best of my knowledge anyway.

2) Terms such as "old fools" and "senile oldies" has been used for emotive invocation purposes. In hindsight, it is extremely disrespectful to have grouped some names above in these categories, for this was neglecting the fight that some of these honourable names had taken on. For this reason, I do apologise.

3) This article was initially meant as a rant on Facebook for personal friends. It is non-partisan, and more of an emotive summation than any attempt to espouse political ideologies. I believe in a two party system, and for transparency and education to pave the way. But I personally want to start with hope.

4) Am still dazed by the reception. Thank you everybody who took time out to read, and thank you to every single person who shared your thoughts below. It is heartening to see so many passionate peers out there. If you identify with this article, feel free to share it, copy/paste it, repost it, edit it with your own input/name, whatever. It belongs to you as much as it does to me. And no need to acknowledge the author.

source:
https://www.facebook.com/notes/shang-neng-tan/we-the-betrayed-generation/10150156337161430

a wanderer, no more.

2011-03-30T23:29:00.000-07:00

coming to the last week of lecture, it has been two years i became a wanderer, seeking for places that will amaze, penetrate to very core of my heart; looking for places to fit in, a place to call mine. i often equate university life as the wilderness and i play a lot of roles in it. sometimes i am a gazelle, running in a pack, carefree and occasionally unaware of the unseen danger nature there to strike. sometimes i am the lion, stalking every meals whenever i am starved, and sometimes i am a giraffe, ignoring whatever that happens on the ground and seek to see the sun... Now i am tired with this endless and aimless journey. it is time to take another step forward, chasing dreams that i missed making. this time i want to be an eagle, soaring on Gods know when i'll stop ...... :)

Nuke plant radiates skepticism

2011-03-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

It will definitely be a laughing stock to invest a lump sum of money in developing a nuclear power plant on the soil of Malaysia.

With the devastating disaster that mercilessly hit Japan, ultimately causing a dent in the hearts of fellow Japanese, yet a glimmer of hope prevails after the incident of the miracle saving of a young man in the aftermath of the unfolding event.

But there are more to come. With a twin explosion of Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant exposing hazardous radiation, the lives of the citizens in Japan are still uncertain. With a staggering amount of 8000 over deaths recorded, 12000 more are still missing; now the whole of Japan is enveloped with fear of coming in contact with the unseen danger of nuclear radiation.

The Japan government was quick to react to this situation with a considerably structured evacuation plan as devised. Let this is be a lesson learnt for the Malaysian government, where with a clause of natural disaster that none could have foresee, who are we to tell as a developing country that we had our best in handling such situation, let alone Japan, a well developed country.

The cause of building a nuclear power plant still remains skeptical where we are told that we will be privileged by cheaper power sources, ultimately replacing non-renewable fossil fuels, and to be at ease parallel to the growing consumption of electricity.

They are true to point out that this plant is necessary for further and more advance development of the country but the current situation remains that by developing a nuclear power plant that generates 1000Mw of power, it provides more than the citizens of Malaysia could ask for, and a supply that we do not need in the near future.

With larger countries like France, its 58 nuclear plants meet 80% of its energy demand, whereas the UK gets 25% of its electricity from nuclear energy. This has clearly shown that nuclear reactors are not maximized its usage even in big countries, let alone Malaysia where we already had a surplus of energy.

Aside from the development of the country, the safety precaution needs to be reviewed as a leakage might cause serious repercussion to the people.

It is premature and naïve to say that Malaysia is not a disaster-prone zone and the complete duplicate will not happen in Malaysia as to what happened in our national counterpart. However history has proved otherwise. The Asian Tsunami in 2004 has severely affected the northern states of Peninsula while the recent tsunami was within range of the coast of Sabah. We may not be the victim of disaster suffering direct hit, but the question is how well can we, a used to be disaster-free land, cope with the damage done by this indirect hits?

Nuclear energy might be cheaper but it definitely requires more maintenance than other fossil fuels. With the notorious “tidak-apa” attitude of Malaysian, this mega project had cast endless doubts to the citizens on whether Malaysia has the capability in handling this project.

Yet the ministry ensures otherwise that we had produced tones of PhDs and Master Graduates every year and that there will not be a problem in handling a nuclear power plant. It was merely a blank statement that done nothing to inspire the people in trusting the lackadaisical working cultures of Malaysia.

Yes, consumption of electricity will be soaring in decades to come, but Malaysian industry had yet to turn to nuclear power plants as a solution to all these hiatus.

The recent song We are nothing by Namewee and Karen Kong with violinist Dennis Lau which had surged to 121,916 views and still counting since posted 3 days ago had further criticize the government on what do we want more than being thankful of the current situation compared to what is happening to Japan. What is the government trying to prove by building a monstrous power plant that generates the electricity that we do not need? This led to the question on are we trying to make a mark on the world by building what a developed country should have? A weak justification indeed, but not all impossible that the government is trying to imposed to the country.

Besides, with Green issue sparking debates on globe, building a nuclear power plant had went into a direct contrast of what every nations are hoping for, a cleaner and a better environment. Environmentalists are keen to suggest that the waste created from the nuclear reactors will tarnish the land, causing another radioactive landfill solely for the waste.

It is undeniable that there are risk and safety issues to be reviewed. Thus, more researches and deeper consideration should be done for the lives of all Malaysians are at stake should anything go wrong. The government should put the safety of people first adjacent to the theme 1 Malaysia as introduced by our Prime Minister.

Let the tragedy in Japan be the brick that knocks on the heads of Malaysia Nuclear Power Corporation – the nuclear agency in the Prime Minister’s Department. Should this project go on and complete in year 2021, let us hope that parties in charge are not the one who runs should a leakage occur.

we need a change

2011-03-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

Looking back at the histories, Germans and Japanese have been the victims of war. with countless head counts and endless bloodshed, hearts are broken as well as souls drained of hope. in today's world, this two giants had come to roar again amidst the failure and down turn in former years. they had gained immense technology advancement, political and economical stability, thus emerging as on of few of modern and advance country. They had gone true the goriest period of time where once humankind could never imagine. Yet, they are lined on top of us, letting us ponder on how prosperous and harmonious country we can be in, yet bottomed those who went through harder times tht us.

we are in the comfort zone! we are so comfortable and relaxing that we do not see any rooms of improvement are necessary to make essential growth of the country. being proud of having the own brand line of cars are so frivolous. they thought they had made a giant leap of mankind by sending an astronaut to space, when just in fact this had made just a glance through the news in eyes of others country.

we are all blinded and blurred with beguiling images we thought we achieved more that we could offer. but how much have we really cared about the development of the country? are we too hard-headed to accept that we failed so much as we always put ourselves first in our eyes? had the sense of superiority overwhelmed our sense of humbleness?

We are trailing behind, far behind. wake up people. if you think race and social issues that is still the main problem, then you are wrong.

Where is the promised peace?

2011-03-07T09:14:00.001-08:00

Where is the promised peace?
Hail Lord almighty, king of heaven,
I knew I daren’t question,
For You will have your reason,
That shape all four seasons.

But bless me with heaven’s eyes,
To fathom such eerie sight,
Of all the bleedings and heartache,
In this tears drenched night,
For I see some slumped on the ground,
Begging for once theirs to return,
And I see some stood up straight,
With scars most couldn’t discern.
Yet Lord bless me with Your wisdom,
To see what You’ve seen,
And comprehend that such heartache,
Is fortified love in between.

Bless me with heaven’s ears,
To empathize the frantic yell,
That vibrates from within a broken soul,
With no hope to dwell.
For I heard some screaming,
From hearts protruded by lies,
And one who took that for granted,
Stab it once again with knives.
Yet Lord bless me with your wisdom,
To hear what you’ve heard,
And comprehend that such heartache,
Are parts where love is conjured.

Bless me with heaven’s heart,
To feel what love is all about,
If love is so strong that it heals,
Then what are we made without?
I see them cry in within,
I heard not a sound,
My heart is not convince,
That love is still around.
I am still that little kid,
Who prayed for peace,
But why is all this happening?
Is there somewhere you’ve missed?
Yet Lord bless me with your wisdom,
To feel what you’ve felt,
I hope that all are blessings in disguised,
For I wish not love misspelt.

blogging soon

2011-02-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

there are a lot of things that i wanted to blog it out. but, i just do not have the time. i just wished a balanced life. there are a lot of things i wanted to do and twice as much holding me back... :(

journal ~

2011-02-07T05:15:00.000-08:00

Journey back home

Countless weeks of lectures and meeting deadlines, there is finally a time to calm myself. Spending the whole day in front of the computer yesterday, I found myself lost in the realm of music and movies. The pampered feelings of being a couch potato reminisced on how long I had not enjoyed watching movies and hopelessly crying at every romantic scene I watched. It was really cool but accompanied by a slight headache. This is my first time typing my journal inside the train, let alone the repetitive Tom and Jerry cartoon that is shown like a hundred more times, I found myself company with my fingers tapping on each keys beside a strangers, not afraid if he would eavesdrop on my private monologue.

Things that I have done this semester.

There is nothing much about academic stuffs. I find it hard to cope especially when it is torn between doing something I love and loving something I do. The latter one seemed hard to develop my passion especially on the education system of executing lectures in Malay language. I found myself in a position where I am using a language close to my origins but light years away from my heart. Yet, what I have there to complain when I am given a loan and a university to further my horizons?
AIESEC has been a part of me. But I am not sure if it is soon, the end of the road for me. I still see opportunities that I would like to tap into. Yet, my passion had diverged into seeking what my heart yearned most, something which is still a mystery to me.

Looking back, it has been one heck of the journey for me. Now I had realized that my expectation towards AIESEC had fulfilled way earlier than I thought I would. It might mark a full stop for me in this great organization where I cease to find relevance in it. But... there is always a but. But, how would I just leave like that, not remembering the amazing times together, though short, with friends that had left foot prints in my life. I will contribute back to the LC, but hopefully in more subtle way. I do not want recognition. I just want people to remember what I have done in the pass and continue this chain of kindness to the younger generations.
I am looking forward of being in AIESEC with a wider network and a wider perspective. Till then, hold on to it.

Unnecessary consumption

Yes, unnecessary consumption of time on many ridiculous stuffs. I feel that I am slowly adopting the western culture. There are things I would not understand such as students always wanted “jamuan” for every activity they organized, or the pace lecturers are teaching as if a creeping tortoise and they always wanted pre- and post- festive celebration. Gosh, its seriously wasting money and seriously wasting time. (allow me to insert some alienated symbols @@) but for sure, there are certain parts of me that me myself would not defer or ignore to the fact that I am born in Malaysia, surrounded by eastern culture, and find myself blindly following the cultures way against my will. 

Well, Chinese New Year is coming really soon. Let me embrace the year of rabbit, hopping around.

random...

2011-01-14T07:26:00.000-08:00

> i never wish anyone to understand me... cause i do not expect that to happen, and if you really do, you will see, the colours in every poem i wrote.

> life is a voyage, sometimes the sea are too rough you'ld get lost...

> my heart is scarred,very scarred...

> what if life when you are just wished to have it otherwise ?

> love not only bonds two person together. blood too.

first post of 2011

2011-01-10T09:54:00.001-08:00

i am closing my eyes, alone in the room facing the blank screen. my fingers clicked the keyboard silently and my palms touches the keypad as though feeling the rubber covering the pad, stretching each and every fingers to reach each keys to form the sentences.

i wasn't looking at the screen. i wasn't looking at the keypad either. i am closing my eyes, picturing i am someone else, feeling their emotions, and with this silent of the night, i let a string of words flow endlessly.

this year is rather special. i did not promise any new year resolution, i did not give a damn about new year. i take it as days come and go. life is just that simple. 365 days had gone and there will be another start of a new year.

having been here for one and a half year... i see myself changing and becoming someone. i dont like the word "develop", simply because you dont just develop intentionally. through lessons of life, you don't know when something hit you and when it does the reddish lump on your head is something that marks your lesson. sometimes, reality hit you so hard that you wanted to turn back time, right the wrongs, and only lastly you soon to realize that you are just human.

come to think of it, i was like any other youngsters, complaining every single particular thing that doesn't come my way. there comes a time i soon to realized that things might not always happened like what you have expected to be. let a lone things, sometimes, you land yourself on places against your choice. then you realize that you'll always lose fighting reality, the only way to it was turn around and accept it, embracing all the essence that perhaps fooling the mind, get the best of it regardless on how much you hated it.

i have seen long, but not long enough to judge or to expect anything what the future has for myself. i swayed doubtfully between thoughts that they are lots of things to admire or to despise about this country. sometimes, this animosity reacted so strong that i had gone beyond limits in disagreeing what leaders had done for this country, this society. i am a strong believer in making a difference. but i know i aint any of the conquerer, pounding away challenges and reaching dreams. i might not have the ability of capability in delivering promises to all that are in need. yet, i solely believe that in order to achieve harmony in this country, one has to be a hero, at least being your own hero. Yet, i hate to notice that my sub consciousness had trick me into believing that this is not a perfect country, no matter how dissatisfactory win over respect, i would am still a Malaysian, it is some where i belonged.

a lot of things had happened unexpectedly. people tends to form friendship, relationship, and all of us wanted it to last forever, one heck of a looooong period of time. but too bad, not all friendship last long. some had to leave and cease to print their sizes on your white sandy beach. some bled, for they stepped on sea glasses that flushed to the shore by the ever rushing and gushing of the merciless waves. some are frivolous, while some wrote their name with a second hand. those are memories with great and unique individuals that had left footprints in your life. forever or not, it is something i or anyone could not tell. but, you can paved this beaches of life with pebbles, as the same repeating metaphor replay again, they could crave their existence on this little pebbles and never be pulled away from the shore.

i am most thankful to meet someone who can share part of my life with. sometimes, it was our differences and distance that brought us even closer together. God never promise a bed of roses, and occasionally we are prickled by thorns, but there are always petals to tease the sweet reddish blush and both sides of your cheeks. entwining, embracing, it was through experiencing that we lived our life, no matter how difficult it is.

it was something worth enjoying...

sorbet lemon

playing God

2011-01-03T18:12:00.000-08:00

everyone would like to play God,
at least for one single day,
and often times they knew after,
that God isn't that easy to play.

till then we knew we could not,
abide so much of our emotions,
yet we knew we could not fake,
they are ones that alter decisions.

so much so we want to right our wrongs,
pray hard to turn back time,
regrets on the things we should've done,
or write a song with better rhymes.

if tears are meant to shed,
fret not for they aren't weak,
some people are quick to judge,
but they make clear what you seek.

if you want to play God again,
remind yourself, only human you are,
its okay to have you stained,
before reaching a distant star.
Find a core and a cause to love,
and a place to cry to say the least,
have faith and believe in heaven above,
seek not,
but faith's all for your own inner peace.

sorbet lemon

last hour of christmas

2010-12-25T19:53:00.000-08:00

He saw a girl outside the windows pane,
her hands entwining each,
shivering in cold,
her body shrank by the blistering snow,
her hands out to reach,
but nothing to hold.

He rushed out his hut,
and straight to the door,
pacing to this little girl,
on the vast deserted moor.

He told her she'll be okay,
"i'll hold you tight,
i'll have you safe and warm,
through this Christmas night."

her lips stretched a smile,
her face blushed a reddish swell,
she thought for a while,
that hope isn't there to dwell.
but this gentle glow from one person,
could lit up the glow for her,
when every household was lit with candles,
yet her frantic yell no one seemed to hear.

she feast a simple meal of porridge and soup,
with jam and butter on a garlic toast,
she just wouldn't need ham and turkey,
to bring that familiar blush on her nose.

it was eleven at night that He found her,
on a white chilly Christmas snow,
in the last hour of Christmas,
she found warmth in these candles' glow.

a simple act of kindness,
can mean the world to someone,
for amidst the blistering snow,
you can bring her the sun.

Christmas day is for love and gifts,
some given while the other receive.
and all child in His eyes,
shall share this Christmas joy,
and none should be left out,
for every girls and boys.

*********************************************
i hope this story shed you some light,
like the star hanging high up on the Christmas tree,
i wish you will have a jolly jolly night,
and a very merry Christmas to thee.

Sorbet lemon.

i should start writing poems again

2010-12-24T19:30:00.000-08:00

i should start writing poems again,
and indulge lovingly with endless rhymes,
like butterflies dancing in the rain,
beside the daffodils and thymes.

i should start writing poems again,
to reminisce the long lost beauty,
of such gaze outside the windows pane,
like rainbow cast across the sky.

i should start writing poems again,
for all the miracles i shall not miss,
like timeless beauty found dancing in the rain,
the sweet taste of lover's kiss...

untitled

2010-11-23T07:42:00.001-08:00

Coz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
and your heart stars to wonder where on this earth i can be,
thinking you come back to the place that we'd meet,
and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
don't be afraid if it rains, so let is drench,
all the misses we had for us till the hearts wrench,
you run to me my hand open wide,
i'll hold you till the fears in you subside,
i'll be here waiting, waiting you all along,
i'll be staying beside and right the wrongs,
if one day again you wake up and find that you're missing me,
i'll be at the street waiting you like i used to be.

sorbet lemon~

random thoughts #

2010-10-25T05:30:00.000-07:00

what if you realized your time on earth is short, would you, use all the time to love?

sorbet lemon

sugarcubes

2010-10-23T02:26:00.000-07:00

Dear AIESECer,

before my journey back ome, i managed to take another glimpse at my sugar cubes that you have given me. and i was engulfed with a lot and a lot of mixed emotions.

i was happy. because you had remembered me
i was excited. of the times we had shared together.
i was blessed. to have your sugarcubes.
i was satisfied. to see the juniors grow and developed and mostly enjoy your time together.
i was angry. that you've given me empty promises
i was disappointed. that you aren't tough enough to fulfill that promise.

one of my first sugar cubes that i have received and so far impacted me the most brings the word persevere.

AIESECers do you hear that, sometimes, we have to persevere too...

sorbet lemon.

a will of disbelief...

2010-10-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

the first semester of semester two comes and goes just like that. still rushing or assignments, there is not even time to think and reflect. the only relaxing time was sleeping and eating. i wonder how semester two had transform me into someone different. today i just got a comment from my friend saying that i have changed and my performance is deteriorating. i wonder, is that really true? or this course i am taking is not longer my playground? always thought something is wrong with the system, i have a sudden thought of changing the whole of it. but how far can ONE undergraduate go, should he be bonded with law and enforcement. Yes, i am here to make a comment. sometimes, things happen to often that i could not stop but stereotype.

sigh, Malaysia Malaysia Malaysia. are we the one driving the change? you said so... but what about AUKU and the law being stated? thought to be flawless as well as not driving students ahead. I have a damn good reason to write this post. the only best thing about local university is the people you meet there, knowing fairly well that this would be the last place to meet true friends.

Sorbet Lemon.

looking into the heart of a poet.

2010-10-19T18:22:00.000-07:00

what its like to have a heart of a musician.
to see what rhythms and melodies have to sing,
playing a song with all his heart's devotion,
to feel what the player's note has to bring.

what its like to have a heart of a painter,
to see what brushes and posters have to paint,
one heavenly masterpiece, none dare to defer,
a glorious moment painted the saint.

what its like to have a heart of a poet,
who would beg to see ?
with no rhythm to sing,
nor brushes to paint,
what's inside of me.

soothe your ears,
with melodious tunes of beethoven,
feast your eyes,
with the painted arts of heaven,
see not, listen not,
should one poem written,
for it is meant for the heart,
kept unspoken.

beg not for eyes to see or ears to hear,
you find not in the musician or a painter,
it is those lines that brings me endless time,
through melody and art bring to rhyme.

angst to the world

2010-10-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

there are a lot of times our voices are not heard... embeded in the hearts of ours, these voices surpressed for fear of lack of authority.

students have dissatisfaction towards universities, colleges, lecturers, and practically everything. complaints made and went unattended. being stuck with the lame rigid black and whites, we had no choice but to obey. 14 weeks of studies and research about practically everything, we started to realized the difference. yes, quality comes with a price. public universities are not good after all. judging from the exposure of pressing and controversial issues, i dare there say we are exposed to none of these. we are well thought by theories and standard procedures but how does this schematic syllabus could afford chasing the fast pace society like now ? this leads me to thing that private universities have their pros as well.

yes, i am writing in riddles. not many of my lovely blog followers could understand what i am writing. But, is it me or something else?

we have the freedom of speech though some should be left untouched. but how far are these voices heard ?
who would listen to a petite voice of complain of a students when they think the system they made is superior enough to complement every aspect of the course ?
how much are those feedbacks forms are read, and how much measures are taken to address those?
who would heard the isolated voice of the queer queer world?

politicians are speaking oh so loud, but aren't they written scripts that made to sound perfect?

i am really hoping that i can get a different point of view. someone, perhaps can enlighten me on this.

sorbet lemon

random post #3

2010-10-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

" they would always ask, who was the lucky girl, i would always answer, i am the lucky guy. "

sorbet lemon ~

untitled

2010-10-11T19:06:00.000-07:00

things happened when you can only pray,
i wished i could play God for a moment,
with hand clasp tight, prayers are all to say,
wishing Lord fulfill each with a compliment.

sorbet lemon ~

the last speech

2010-10-07T18:37:00.001-07:00

just now, i watched the news of the passing of Madam Kwa Geok Choo, late wife of lee kuan yew. and when everyone delivers the last speech, then it started to make me thinking, we talked about the past, took ourselves down to the memory lane with the deceived accompanied by sobbing tears, and paid our last respect, last speech, and embedded vividly the memories in your heart.

sometimes i wonder, we tend to forget the things we did and share with friends and family. even not-so-close friends, we tend to forget the favours that they done to us. some remembers, but i believe a lot of us, forget. and then it only come flowing back to us when someone leaves us for God.

we had taken for granted on many things. a lot of people don't appreciate. haih, suddenly lost of words. my inspirations are succumb by the work load and it hampers me from blogging. :(

sad
sorbet lemon

random thought #2

2010-10-06T09:03:00.000-07:00

- they say a picture speaks a thousand words, you smile speaks more than that :)

- love is patient, love is kind, love is one simple feeling, that brings both hearts to rhyme

- people always wanna achieve dreams, but they always forget to love.

- 是你，给了我美好的回忆和希望，我，不再对生命放弃了。

PS: these days, life taught me many things...

Sorbet Lemon.

a confession

2010-10-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

do you remember that little cup?
i can see it getting fuller day by day,
this love is true, i see it in your eyes,
i want you to stay...

we had a lot good times together,
even for a short few days,
but those times spent together,
are sweeping our feet away.

if this feelings weren't true,
we wouldn't be sharing so much you know,
and all the time we held hands together,
had given us warm amidst the snow.

i am sorry if i made you feel this way,
but why not give this love a chance?
i wonder what it would be like if you left,
every butterflies will stop the dance.

yes, these feelings are ambiguous,
but nonetheless true,
i want every single smile,
return to you.

to you, and you only.
jian yang.

love

2010-09-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

Love is patient and kind;

love is not jealous or boastful;

she is not arrogant or rude

Love does not insist on her own way;

she is not irritable or resentful;

she does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right

#quoted text#

PS: i would never refer love to "it", for she is beautiful...

Sorbet Lemon.

random thought #1

2010-09-26T07:48:00.001-07:00

- they love each other so much that they would not do anything to jeopardize their friendship. -

- what we see on her is what we perceive, but we are often oblivious to the things in her, which in this case, often been misunderstood.

sorbet lemon

Random Thoughts

2010-09-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

i will be starting random thoughts blog post...

it will consist of something i see, people i met, feelings i felt, places i went, and most importantly, words that expressed what crosses the mind...

untitled

2010-09-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

a memory of perfect remembrance,
the silver dust splashed across the screen,
gently traipsing down the memory lane,
tracing down the places came in between,
staying at where it took through the lens,
a frantic but soothing call of peace,
a mysterious setting and unknown ambiance,
set the sun aglow and shine at ease...
this, is what i see,
with written rhymes bring forth to thee~

Sorbet Lemon

Without you, chemistry 101

2010-09-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

Without you
I am like a non-radical atom,
With no particle to vibrate,
For you have the energy I need
To reach hybridization state.

Without you,
There’re no bonds to form,
For I alone stands inactive,
And when heat is up,
I can turn radioactive.

Without you,
I jumbled up all the atomization numbers,
I don’t know where to go in the periodic table,
I am not a metal, or an ion either,
Without you, I ceased to be a matter.

Without you,
I am in the state of absolute zero,
Where none other could reach,
For it is only with you,
That the core of my nucleus,
Is where yours could breach.

sorbet lemon

ans : stop right there

2010-09-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

Stop Right There.
You are going way too far, way too fast,
You know those feelings will not last,
Was it love or just a crush,
Stop right there and do not rush.

They say love is always blind,
but, to me love is all in the state of mind,
It's a choice you make from time to time,
You can accept or decline.

Perhaps those miseries I dwelt in the past,
Remind me that love is transient, it will not last,
Relinquish my hope and diminish my faith,
It's hard to get back to the chase.

http://ofrainandsunshine.blogspot.com/2010/08/stop-right-there.html

who knows those feelings will not last?
would you think too deep, or judge to fast?
if its really true love,
and you knew it is not a crush,
would you tell your heart,
stop right there and do not rush ?

they say love is blind,
but she brings jumbled words to rhyme,
and felt a feeling oh so fine,
a gift of rosemary and thyme

tar not thee with miseries of the past,
you'd yet to capture, love's spell to cast,
for soon you'll meet one true love,
no, its no longer a crush,
you'll know it when you see him,
your heart wouldn't stop right there,
it begins to rush...

sorbet lemon

a little update before the holidays end

2010-09-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

Honestly speaking, i have don't nothing in this holiday. assignments not done, proposal not done, things just went unfinished. been to a lot of hang outs and i am really more that thankful to have understanding parents. haha.. they are the best of all.

sometimes i just wished to kept silent and type things i wanted to say here. lucky enough because the computer wouldn't ask anything in return and register every single thing that i typed. so, no need explanations. sometimes, explanations can be very very tedious. at times, you don't want to explain., not because you don't know how it feels, not because you do not know, but simply because you cannot find the right words to make people understand. so, i write it in poems. a one way express to blurt every thing out in the sun ~

things have gotten slightly stable at home. being pampered and loved, life put on a pause and great times are just in fast forward. how unfair. well, two days and back to reality. talking about enjoying university life, i think i need a plan. something to really occupy my mind. however, i just can't seemed to find the drive to do anything. sigh...

i am sorta disappointed with my lecturers. i feel like after studying for one year, i knew nothing about my course except for some theories that i have yet to chance to apply it in mass communication. i am expecting more practicals. the thought of analysing pornography, a place to call myself in studio, someone who is really teaching philosophy... proof, those are only thing that could happen in my dreams. at least it is not going to happen in public U. talking about decency and conservativeness of the society, if things are not discussed openly, how are undergraduates going to developed their minds? how can they be aware? and what should they be aware about? Facebook notifications ? come on, its just lousy, screw the rankings, for that is not the right tools to measure the ratings of any university.i wonder if the teaching style should have a total make over, things are just not getting effective. AND, screw all the useful subjects in uni and put in useful ones. i can't believe UKM is scrapping English Literature for the sake of balancing the ratio of undergraduates and post graduates. sigh, i just can imagine in 10 years time, no one is going to appreciate those poems, quotes, short stories and all. no one is going to speak in rhythmic verses... and most importantly no one to appreciate such creation of masterpiece. and what do we get in return, course on self hygiene? come on, we learn to wash our hands-ar ? ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i just can't believe this. damn it.

(to picture my emotions now, kindly press shift + 1-0 )

okay.. cool
holiday is most amazing filled with food. i think i have finish eating most of the ipoh food. hahahaha... FAT~

anyway.. thats all.. i just need type...

sorbet lemon

hear me...

2010-09-06T22:45:00.000-07:00

1:46 p.m. Subway, waiting for my friends to come.

i could never change the fact that i like to talk in riddles. to put in another way, i don't really like saying this so straight forward, direct, but that does't mean i would lie. for i thought if words are not taken care of properly, i will act like a jabbing thorns that pierce the roses enveloping the heart. SEE~~ thats what i meant. i know what it meant to take the words that we said seriously, especially when it involves love and relationship. you knew very well that one single untruthful word will lead to a lie and lies in the end. yes, sweet words are said in heated passion, but words are never meant to be said for the sake of pleasing.

something to share about poetry.
it is always hard to write a poem with a pen, because poetry are meant to be written with the heart. you feel with your eyes and see with your heart. though i have no idea what it actually means, but, something is there to discover, like every rigid alphabet hiding some much deeper meanings of each and everyone of it, emerging surreptitiously based on different individual understanding. some words are lost, while some are aimlessly tracing the pages, capturing the essence of every melodic confession. determined as the poet may seem, all did not know what for some of them, poetry is the one and only way for them to express themselves. love, friendship, family, tragic, achievements, scenery, basically on everything that sparked off by inspiration. because if you see, poetry is their life.

PS: if you take away their voices in poetry, hear me, you take away their life.

never thought it could be an emo blog post. but well... yea~~

sorbet lemon

untitled

2010-08-27T08:38:00.001-07:00

Pick one song, to soothe the emotions,
The aimless cursor tracing the screen,
Was that a jab, without much consideration,
Was that a victory, was that a win?
Dust surfaced the sticky cover,
Leaving traces of typing hands,
But yet words are lost, undiscovered,
Where none could comprehend.
It was a warm gentle glow,
But ends with a dry whither,
This jolt as cold as fading snow,
There’s nothing there to linger.
I am letting you see, this, I could not hold,
Nor one to possess while the other suffer,
For I was wrong and I wasn’t bold,
And I do not want you beg to defer.
For now I wish these memories to deny,
I would rub these traces with a second hand,
For I don’t want tears to fall, nor blushes to shy,
Nor blemished sea glass in the sand.

Sorbet Lemon

Sing me a serenade

2010-08-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

Sing me a serenade, sing me a serenade,
Outside the tower and call to me,
I will be waiting by the window’s pane,
A prince whose love from tennesee.
O’ young heart,
Pick me a flower on the way,
And honey that comes from the bees,
I will be waiting you by the window’s pane,
With a love as calm as the sea.

Sing me a serenade, sing me a serenade,
Come rain come shine,
For you have promise me this love,
That binds your heart and mine.
O’ young heart,
Sing me serenade and perhaps,
The lovely poems of endless time,
For just like them our love would be,
Tracing the pages, forever rhymes

Sing me a serenade, sing me a serenade,
When will you come my prince?
This love will not turn to fade,
Just like we had promised since,
O’ young heart,
With that bouquet of flowers in hand,
Ride fast young love, for me,
For I could not have been pleasured more,
This gift given to our destiny,
I will be waiting by the windows pane,
A wait never be too short a date,
For you have promised to call out,
And sing me our serenade.

Sorbet lemon

You held my heart but I held his,

2010-08-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

You held my heart but I held his,
This petite heart only for one contain
Some heart free to share,
But surely not this,
Only one heart for another,
This love retain.

With gentle glances I could only confess,
This love is not chosen for hearts like ours,
Should this be real, through yours expressed,
But it is not ours there to discover.

I can only appreciate your kindness and goodwill,
But had never taken for granted for what you’ve done,
I knew you would have loved me still,
Though this love I have chose to run.
I am sorry I could not reciprocate the same,
You are one true gentleman oh so well,
Please do not take the blame,
If my heart aren’t there to dwell,
Please release me for I could not love you in return,
I thank you but this gift unrequited,
Though I knew, I would always be part of your concern,
But it was his heart, mine reciprocated.

* the author of this poem took a stand on a woman's heart. feeling what he believes how a woman felt, and there's no relation to the author's real life. after all, poetry sometimes is about feelings, one and the other.

Love,
Sorbet Lemon

an unclear labyrinth

2010-08-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

where am I heading? the road in front seemed less bright with only a candle with me to shine the motionless pebbles ahead. unknown and uncertain of what silhouette might be hidden there, be it harmful or not, this little candle that i hold had been the only source in times of bad.

i missed home, really badly. and missed my ex-roommate more. it is something i am ready to change. i felt i am no longer belonged in my room and library had been my second home. luckily, friends are great enough to be of company of this lonely soul. well, not lonely-lar, just need company sometimes. there are so many things to be done, and my new found love - journals, had really been a boosting mechanism for me to look forward everyday.

there is a chinese proverb always says, "no one can really live without someone" but i would say, only a few will stay for someone. and for others will be just brushes by where other priorities had shared more part of one's life.

gosh, there's always a time when i am lost... :( sigh ... EMO

sigh, i think i have a hunger for OLDIES ~ haha

untitled

2010-07-26T10:56:00.001-07:00

i could not find the reasons to wake up in the morning. hence, i do not find the reason to sleep either.

i love you and not know who

2010-07-23T18:12:00.002-07:00

i love you and not know who,
this pledge proven by a time yet to come,
but my heart knew this will be true,
though it might be rolling eyes to some.

i love you and not know who,
this gift gently given, you should not refuse,
for you who will reciprocate this feeling true,
to a point where any chemical could not reduce.
in which i love you so much,
and only you, matters much to know,
you held me with your tender touch,
a warmth could've melt the snow

i love you and not know who,
i'll keep waiting until time reveals,
if you look deep into my heart,
you'll see how i feel,
until you who loves my heart,
this love i will conceal.

Year 2 first semester

2010-07-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

i was thinking of writing my feelings here.

but only one thing came clear to me.

i have not written poems for a while :(

sensual sensual sensual

2010-07-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

sensual sensual sensual.

two days from now will be heading back to UKM. do not know what to feel as well as do not know what to do. starting to get really pissed of of the rooms as well as the arrangement. bounded by legal law and regulation, they sucked my dry of my freedom and speech. personal desperation to rebel was so freaking intense...

anyway, i think i lost myself pretty much after going through this whole year. Gosh...

quote: There comes a point in life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

so true ~~ ! and even before reading this, i tend to realized who matters most already. live life simple, no luxury, no constraints, with greater strength, you hold greater responsibility. people tends to live life with more money but less fortune, more gadgets but less possessions, more ambition but less principles, and more promises with none fulfilled. people set priorities, and some things will no longer mean anything to them. accept and let go.

signing off,
sorbet lemon

one year has passed

2010-06-28T23:35:00.000-07:00

one year has passed... from getting into university to completing third semester in year one, much had happened as well as those that are not.

getting mass communication is a blessing. at least i got what i choose and managed to develop certain interest in parts of the course. Minus the part that I always having doubts on the education system. year one breeze through like anything else with some hard lessons learnt. some memories are great, while some are bad. looking back for the one year i spent in UKM, i wondered what have i achieved in my course. people say getting first class honour is hard. i doubted it. i wonder if it was my course or something else, but i think getting good results is not a difficult case, after all, those exams are not as tough as STPM. unless we start taking ownership of things, we will not be getting near from what we want to become. My coursemates were fun to be with. responsible. even charming lecturers (minus the other not so charming ones). somehow or rather, i find it rather weird. other people tends to be what we malaysians said "semangat coursemates" while i keep a fine balance in the relationship with my coursemates, collegemates, AIESECers. sometimes coming to think about it, except academic purposes, we barely hang out except the usual McD. oh well, guess i just mixed with everyone.

Biting out a chunk of my university life would be AIESEC. Following my brother footsteps, I get to work in an organization, an organization like AIESEC. The first half of the year I spent in university, to be frank, I had so much fun in AIESEC. Joining LLDS and MyLDS was totally a different experience. i saw people changed after the conference, stepping out every inch in being a leader. Sometimes I ponder on the things I got from AIESEC, which most of the times, I don’t know what. Until now. Until now when the year started to wave goodbye and another one approaching, I started to see AIESEC transform me in some ways or rather, but me myself oblivious to it. Having Zero knowledge on photoshop and flash, I started to develop skills on it. In fact, I find IT really intriguing which something I never really thought about then. [I said this many times and I am gonna say it again, Ameen, you are my sole inspiration] and from a normal AIESECer, I can proudly call myself a qualified RED agent.

There’s something I would really like to quote : “being in AIESEC, I feel that I have been a part of other people’s lives, but I feel that I lost something about myself… but the question is, do you want to in someone else’s life… stop worrying, start performing” – MCP Alif.

Looking back on those years, I am not longer that naïve kid who believes so much on every story a happy ending. There are many times life throw you a challenge and you have to catch it, even with bare hands, and I can ensure you that life is not a fairy tale. But that doesn’t mean you stop believing in miracles and YES there are still happily ever after.

Being in AIESEC and the Red Project was truly an unforgettable experience. even though we might not really achieve our goals in the project -but then what are the goals that really matter? - the workshops done was always great. Red Project was something really close to life and it had let me see the hidden street while all we do is walked on illuminated pavement. Taking a glimpse into the reality, sometimes might frightens you to every bit of your soul and soak through every parts of your bones. but it also gives you the opportunity to make a difference, and from all the world’s treasures, a simple act of kindness is all we need to illuminated the streets when all lights went out. what is the most profound experience in Red Project is not the leadership experience but the people i worked with. having colleagues, leaders and most importantly true friends that strive for one specific goal was the power engine in this projects. No matter how other projects had done better than us, i end my term with one regret, which i cannot relive the time i work with these cool people. so thanks Pei Ling, kai wen, charlene, kuan yoke, hui yi, and geraldine.

This is what I really felt sometimes, life often stops my heart, out of boredom, staleness, and miserable events, but AIESEC gives back the familiar jolt to it. I guess all AIESECers agree on this. Haha

- Life is meaningless, it is us who make meanings out of life –

Money makes the world goes round. Unless you move to the wood and live like a nomad, then money is something you can live without. The luxuries of the world are clearly inviting. Drill into a branded shopping complex and you can see people spending money like they can print it whenever they want. To be honest, the sight frightens me and to dwell on the thought that in one day you can spend like 200 ringgit was unimaginable. Gosh, if this goes on, I know I can talk about this whole day. Sigh ~~ anyway, not much on this topic.

Sometimes I wonder, does the reflection of the mirror really changed throughout this year. It is not a question I can obtain the answer right away. Had I really, changed? What have I become? Am I the same person I was before? I really wonder if I had a big chunk of difference 365 days before. I really hope for an answer, leave a comment? Hahaha…

缘分来的一次，不代表她会再来。相遇也是一中缘分，不管再多的日子里，可能我们不可再相遇，我是不会忘记你的。

anyway, cheered for i have great friends too :)
*************
The rhymes are flawed, if you did not listen to what I say,
Search through the lines, that’s what I prayed.
you can see through me, if you really care,
they are in the words, you don’t need a flare.

just occasionally

2010-06-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

you slipped into my mind and makes me wonder where are you and what are you doing. i missed the long talks we have and the same common interest we share. and i missed you sometimes.
and this just happen, occasionally.

i wonder so much of if i am the one who brought you hurt, that someone who you would despise though you said you'll never so. i wonder if all the apology i made, ever make sense to you, knowing fairly well that something but nothing really happened before.
and this just happen, occasionally.

i wonder how long i want to be safe in this cocoon of mine. i should have taken more risks.
and this just happen, occasionally

i wonder if all the things i have jotted down on a list would ever be completed, the the stuffs i've always yearn to do. i wonder if i will ever regret, for not doing enough.
and this happen occasionally.

i wonder who is the man i am to become, years ahead would i see the same man in the mirror now. would i be one that is wrinkled by scars? or one with unblemished skin?
and this just happen, occasionally.

nothing much

2010-06-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

i didn't remember when was the last time i really smile,
i didn't know where are you, wondering if you are okay,
i didn't know why i wake up every morning,
i didn't know anything else to say.

always fond of the night. sleeping late allows me to have the world of my own, serene, silent. i don't see myself waking up to a better objective of everyday, except completing all the to do list. once i told, life is meaningless, it is us who make the meaning out of life. people always have the tendency to have more things and reach for the not-haves and never really gaze upon those things that are within grasp.

i am tired. always...

never attempt to buy happiness with money, cause you'll eventually ended up broke. and at this kind of situation, a movie always help :)

sigh a new day has come. i wish i can have something to look forward to.

i miss...

2010-06-12T01:11:00.000-07:00

i miss...
the senseless running with you,
through the aisle and to the stall.
buying the same things that we always do,
chips and soft drinks,
and rush back to the floor.

i miss,
the times we shared secrets,
conversations that we only know,
times that we finish each other sentences,
and stay through th night,
never wanted it to end

as the time goes by,
fairy tales aren't so true anymore,
sunk into,
and by reality,
beliefs that once so pure is challenged,
miracles happen none too often,
expectations are high,
responsibility never seemed to end,
sometimes through endless sigh,
happiness, then only we understand.

sometimes it is through growing we see the world,
but how much have we seen?
communications became borderless,
but how far had we communicate?
people talked rhetorically,
speech made to change the world,
but how often are those reached the hearts of others?
yet who is there to blame,
the world? the people?
or the person in the mirror?

if you ever stop to ponder,
hear this,
there is hope, if we choose to believe.

when fate intervene?

2010-06-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

when will fate intervene?
with the glow of the tragic sun,
or the smooth sailing of the wind,
how much longer,
i have to run?

i saw her sitting there,
with her hands held tight,
gazing motionlessly at the flare,
the moon had for the night,
and closely waited and waited,
waiting for one shooting star to come,
the long wait chilled her bone,
while waiting an hour or some,
that every minute she lost count,
pondering how the life would be ahead,
would this road lonely and daunt,
or one with endless thrill instead?

should fate brings new hope,
even if no one to share the bliss,
when will fate intervene,
i ask again,
what is a pen without the journalist.

life is short,
the time is long,
the going gets tough
i am to stay strong.
for i'd always wanted to sit under that tree,
like flower buds fluttering the garden above,
and chirping birds setting themselves free,
in the midst of heaven's beauty,
they flew the formation of love.

sorbet lemon

The little pretty white dress

2010-05-29T12:32:00.000-07:00

I have a little pretty white dress,
Yet to whom who should I address?
To her who stand out above the rest,
And knows my heart the best.

I have a little pretty white dress,
That put every girl to vain,
That embraces every love’s confess,
Like rainbow after the rain.

I have a little pretty white dress,
One that given from up above,
One that binds two hearts together,
In the name of love.

And if the Lord ever permits,
she should have my little pretty white dress,
And me, a tuxedo to match,
her heart and mine,
our love confess.

Sorbet Lemon

PS: celebrating the 100th post with this lovely poem. how great!! can't sleep
PSS: thanks to you, who contributed, commented and gave precious suggestions to this poem.

Sorbet Lemon.

a confession

2010-05-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

i was planning to write "a subtle confession" as the title, but then, there's no words true to describe what i am feeling now. not subtle, sincere, but just a confession, a thank-you note that I want to write .

its been almost a year that i step foot in university. (somehow someone - my bro - was more excited than i am.) hahaha... that was the funniest part i guess. so, suddenly a bit Emo here. hahaha... so, here is it, a simple thank you note.

I start off with AIESEC. The Red Project is the next best thing that can could ever happen to me. who would have spend precious time hitting schools and conducting HIV/AIDS workshop? knowing fairly well that just how little impact each workshop can cause to the student, every Red Agents still hanging on to the hope that everything we have done can make a difference. And in this project i knew great friends.

thank you pei ling, its been a great pleasure knowing you and working with you. but the best part is, you have been a very great friend, and i appreciate it a lot. (more on gula kubus)

thank you Kai Wen, never thought that we can be so "loving" hahaha... TRP really bonds us together. i miss the time we are out in McD when all are in deep slumber. with you and pei ling, i don't really know how to frown anymore.

thanks to all the red Agents, kuan yoke, hui yi, geraldine, Charlene and interns from bangladesh, Korea, Philipines and indonesia, and Megan, you knew who you are, so, thank you for making a RED difference in this project and the society.

and last but not least, Vincent Loo Wai Chee, thanks for having so much faith in me, you are a good friend, too bad we didnt really get to know each other well, thanks for leaving footprints in my life.

Thanks you Fellow AIESECers, seniors that guide me through my AIESEC journey, fellow friends from AIESEC that been into my life and and, stay there, linger and painted a rainbow above the sea of life. :) thanks a lot, it is with you guys that i have the most SHIT (super high intensive training) but it is with you guys that i have the most fun. S E R I O U S L Y. thanks

thank you Ameen, for teaching me on flash and photoshop. i don't know how to thank you more than anything, for this little little stuff that you teach me, had made me found a new love for photoshop, well... it really helps most of the time.

************************************************************************************

okay done with AIESEC.

Yi Wei, i could not thank you enough. you have done so much for me, and i hope that i could do the same for you. i can't help much with the subjects that you are taking, and sorry for being lazy most of the time. hahaha. i hope that i brought laughter to you in this period of time in university. should we separate into different rooms, i really have zero faith in getting a roommate as sweet as you. through those enless laughter, pillow talks and sharing and singing the same song that we like, i thank you, for being an understanding roommate, a great friend and a loving person. :) danke schon

Sik mei, thank you for supporting me all along, emotionally and mentally. you brought me up during the hard times and teach me chinese. muahahax. hope i am a good sifu for you. remember the glass rice ( is that what you call it ? ) i ask you to make yea :)
thanks a lot.

Elaine Loke, lui bao, thanks for being part of the 温书三人组 during exams. haha.. just kidding. getting to know you better in AIESEC and seeing you smile during the BSMM camp in Barlok, i felt happy too. i have none but wish you all the best in finding true happiness. thanks again, for the tong yuen, it is really really sweet.

dear all college mates. i know i am a little bit here and there for AIESEC, but i do appreciate the lot of time we spend together. thanks

************************************************************************************

Vanessa, huah, didnt expect you to be my coursemate, but all along thanks for everything. for being a good friend and helping out on homeworks ( sorry, didn listen much to class huh) thank you very much.

Nik Husna, thanks for being a good teammate. McD someday ?

sharlene direct. thanks for all the guidance and care from you. :) i appreciate it a lot.

************************************************************************************

Siew Jone, ah ngoi, aaron, ping jie (bamboo), i will never never forget the time we had together, the bowling sessions, the snoker sessions, marching patrol, and how we are still talking about the last winning team of the marching patrol after two years we held that winning cup. credits to aaron and ping jie, who baffled the pesuruhjaya that a pioneering can be done by only 3 people and pass JAYA with amazing results (forget about the malam kebudayaan then). and and how we help each other on cooking- aaron boy finish it off- gadjets and first aid- ping jie you are the man- and knots, me me me !! THAT WAS THE HIGHEST ACHIEVEMENT EVER. i am reminiscing every single bit of it bros, thank you for every single thing in our scouting journey. i dont know if we are going to get together again in the future, but everyone of you held a colour brush in the past :)

beh beh, ken, owen, Kai kai gather up for badminton again? its fun hanging out with you guys, for a little guy's talk perhaps. hahaha... beh beh> you are a really good guy, thanks a lot for the time we spend together. Ken> we beat the champion of anderson in group team. muahahax... see, nothing is impossible, when are we going to have a double date with yan yan and hebe? owen> huah, hahaha.. owen, THANK YOU. hugz... Kai Kai, sobz, you have always and always been good to me... sobz :( miss ya lots. hugs.. thanks for everything, kai kai

the azizah gang > Kar mun, chiew ting, chui chian (GR), yeet chek, si ham, stephanie, sien loo, kian loon (did i miss you someone ? ) haha, guess what, you are the ones that makes me feel emo enough to write this post. haha.. sorry for not being there during form 6, guess i would be really fun if i am with you guys. i sincerely want to thank you, for making me feel so special when i am around you. i really had fun hanging out with you guys. remember the taman negara trip? thats the best 18 y/o i had. sausages and noodles as food and torchlight as candles, that is the best birthday for me ever. thank you very very much... sobz... gam dong.

Form 6 > > >
Chung park, huah, can't believe one night, just one starry starry night, accompanied by mosquitoes, had changed us forever. thanks for being there chung park. love you bro.

sook ping, hahahaha, meeting back after fews years in CALAU. thanks for being my friend sook ping, and all the sharing of secrets. :) teeheex

pui kuan, thanks pui kuan for being a good secretary of badminton club, AND, thats not the only thing i wanna talk about. this the real one, thanks pui kuan for being a good yellow Ivy :)

and for my form 6 gang, seriously, thank you for the senseless laughter, it brightens up myself and have every morning to look forward to. :)

************************************************************************************

leong ching mun, the girl who loves stars, really much. i guess we have been through a lot and until now, we share the same common place of interest > starbucks. hahaha, ching mun, you are like a sis to me. hope you don't find me over protective and cheong hei sometimes. hahaha. thank you for everything, you are the one that i really enjoy chatting with in MSN, (although you sounded really cool when you are emo but still, you make me type the least word, haha.. ) anyway, thanks ching mun - for thinking of me even in Dubai - and all the things :)

淑欣, Thanks soo shin... i do not know what else to say, but, you are special to me. thanks for the memory :) you are indeed a very good friend. lets go get angpow again during CNY :) yay ~

Fanny Sze Tho, 唔知你会晤会来到我个blog，点都好啦，好想多谢你，与你工作我很开心。小柔子，我唔会忘记你咯。你系我生命中曾经占咗好大的位子。

lam chee yuen, don't think you will read this blog, but anyway, thanks for being my best friend for 15 years. we are inseparable, aren't we ? thanks for being an understanding friend throughout my life, i could not thank you enough buddy. hugz...

Frances, thank you very much. herm, don't know what to say but, thanks for the cards that you send me, the memories :)

Fate brought us together, my new found friends.
~~Sock Jin jie jie, Finally, found someone who loves poem really much, hahaha.. thank Lord for letting us cross path in life, i am really glad to know you. i had lots of fun in EYLN and you being the huge part in it. lets follow each other's blog and drench the page with rhythmic verses and words :) right, sock jin ? HAVE FAITH, KEEP ON BELIEVING.

~~huei ling, yo~~ i am really glad to know you in EYLN, thanks for coming EYLN, should we go hang out in satay kajang sometimes? hahaha cheers, have a nice day huei ling.

jesselyn, thanks for showing me life's most precious lesson. thanks. i hope you can find your cloverstar.

Ling sim jie jie, i really love you calling me yang yang. its been quite sometime since we last meet. and eventually i lost contact with jessie already. haha.. it is through her that i know you. :) thanks for being a part of my life, ling sim.

mei mei, i love you as my sis <3 heart ~

kor kor, mamanu? kor kor, i love you. you very funny de lor, divorce me but pay more attention to me. haha.. but thats what i love about you. hehe... hugz, SC misses you too :)

Relatives, thanks for loving me as always the youngest of the family *peace

daddy mummy :) i miss you in UKM. you are always the shelter of love for me. thank you. <3 you lots.

*i hope i didnt miss you anyone, :) if I do, sorry, but you too, had paint my life into a gentle hue that none other things could blemish. :) thanks friends, and everyone, for leaving foot prints in my life.

cheers,
sorbet lemon a.k.a jian yang.

PS: this is the 99th post :)

Pain of others

2010-05-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

the grass is greener at the other side of the field.
nobody can really see the hurt that someone feels,
you thought you are suffering, you thought you are sad,
but think again, of all the loss that others had.

There are a lot of things we did not see,
and feelings of others, proved anonymity,
like waves disrupting the calmness of the sea,
or an unseen façade of jollity

do you see tears drenched pages of poetry,
or the teasing of hearts through songs and melody,
some remained silent and kept it deep inside,
and build a wall when there is no other place to hide.

What matters not is to comprehend the unfathomable,
For not all can achieve, not all are capable,
But at least show some understanding,
To those suffering from tears,
And show them tears are healing, too,
When it is shared with someone dear.

walking on the sand

2010-05-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

how can i resist the temptation of walking on the sand. it has been quite some time since the last visit to the beach. 5 to 6 years maybe. almost forgotten the taste of sea water, last week was once again, a chance to reminisce the feeling of the soft sand squeezing through between my toes. a trip to penang - the beach.

it was well, not that beautiful as expected. no moon drenched beach, nor crystal clear water. and in the middle of everything, there's a drain flowing black greasy stuffs. anyway, not so much on the off sides.

what is beautiful though, was the sun rise. woke up 6:30 am in the morning, which everyone thought is seeming foolish to not catch extra hours of nap. but this is what i get. think again.

the waves gently touched the shore and as water slithered up the sand and slowly retreated to the vast diamond-sparkled sea, i could hear air bubbles popped softly from the floor. it was as though the beach could breath, inhaling and exhaling. a life biologic creature that breathe from crab-made holes. the rushing and gushing of waves were almost soothing and played its own melody without me knowing. it had me baffled by nature's beauty. hotels and buildings, however situated, had add a little aesthetic values to the picturesque view painted by God...

and yet a glimpse of sunset where we were frolicking on the beach.

the wrath of the sun ?

bird's eye view

the picture i like the most

blogged by
sorbet lemon

无题

2010-05-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

现在，觉得再多的字句，也代表不了一切，这个post可能对你来说已没有欣赏的价值了。

但很想告诉你，
第一句对不起，是我给不到你幸福
第二句对不起，是我归还不了这份礼物
第三句对不起，是我伤害了你

thank you for everything.
for people showed me how love could break, but you showed me love could mend too.

最后一句对不起，我并不是你一直等待的那个人。

untitled

2010-05-17T12:21:00.001-07:00

would you sing if there's no one who listens,
would you write if there's no one who reads,
and would all the stars shine and glisten,
or should they shine in utter discreet?

The incessant questions bug the mind of the poet,
Should every piece be loved and admired,
Or be it a blending option like gown and trinket,
To suits the poet or any reader’s desire.

But this rhythmic melody that is written,
Are for none but this heart of mine,
That none other words that could have clearly spoken,
Except one that found its rhyme.

It is not for anyone that these words are put together,
And yet to one these verses had gently obliged,
Should these words sing alone now and forever,
Until love docked the harbor along the tide.

till then, let the pen hammer the paper rhythmically,
amidst all ignorance amidst all mockery,
for every word written would automatically,
drench the page with a glimpse of history.

EYLN day 1 and 2

2010-05-15T11:33:00.001-07:00

Entrepreneurship and youth, a learning network...

" from a person of not being interested in business and entrepreneurship, EYLN has change some insights entrepreneurship. Day one has proven to have a lot of input from amazing speakers with a successful background to share their own experiences on conquering the hostile world. while day two only comes with more blasting moments. it is not just about making money, but the passion that counts. EYLN taught me about governance and take responsibility of our life. i learnt about financial intelligence, to get in total control of our finance and that how passion can take us to where we wanted to be. it was undoubtedly an amazing experience.

our own faci

if you thought EYLN is only and mainly about entrepreneurship, then you are wrong. amidst all the input from talks and competition, new friendships are found and old ones rekindled. to see people with so much passion on entrepreneurship and self-development had put a smile on my face and those smiles on theirs magnified mine.

Pei Ling, me, Huei Ling and Sock Jin

to put in words is hence, a little too mere and inaccurate to describe what the conference is all about. it is the EXPERIENCES that count. it is never too late. JOIN EYLN 2011. *strongly urges...

PS: square dance still rocks.

Sorbet lemon

jeng jeng jeng JENG`

2010-05-10T05:17:00.000-07:00

JENG JENG JENG JENG~~

INTRODUCING

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A new layout and template for the blog~ whee~ muahahax
okay, you might have seen it before you even read this post

the scenery was so nice, do allow me to be poetic a bit.

the mysterious charm of the night sky
who would have thought such beauty lies before my eyes,
this bit of memories craved through the September sky,
this mysterious charm speaks none by these hidden feelings of mine,
that spur across the pages, sweet, like rosemary and thyme.

if you've counted the stars, there are one hundred and fifty two,
sparkles that illuminated this page with light baby blue,
all of them speaks about special moments,
some are big and some are small,
but you might not get the accurate numbers,
yet that doesn't matter at all.

it is very difficult to explain, neither through science or fiction,
where is the beauty of it? neither a subjective nor objective question.
if you want to witness the majesty,
the grace of such beauty,
look through the gaze of the stars,
a silent witness of anonymity.
and sit around the corner of the cliff, the more you'll see,
that what's much more beautiful than everything, is the heart of thee.
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PS: thanks jesselyn, for the Layout.

Jian Yang.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2010-04-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

this blog will be under construction for any purposes you can thing of
the star above lost its glow
dear readers, you are still highly encouraged to spam my cbox
as well as in the comments container
thank you for your attention
<3 always
J@r0d

i caught him sleeping ~ yay ~

2010-04-25T20:39:00.001-07:00

goodnight hammie ~

things always happen at the wrong time

2010-04-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

THINGS ALWAYS FREAKING HAPPEN AT THE WRONG TIME.

found out a cool website. critical analysis on stuffs. and its on my exam week. i promise, last post.

what women sell?

2010-04-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

that night, i was driving along the street with my brother. as we drove pass this wedding parlor, up behold us a high resolution banner of a bride wearing a very beautiful wedding gown with trinkets and designer's lace around her neck. such majestic grace gripped every driver's heart who drove pass the street. but one question i asked when i turned to my brother, WHERE IS THE GROOM?

i thought wedding was a two person thing. and logically stating that who is going to approach a wedding parlor if they are not selling men's suit, blazers or even tuxedo(s) to rent? it is undeniable that the girl in the poster is fairly enchanting, but are they telling the people that we-only-sell-wedding-gowns-for-girls ?

the point where they put only a girl's banner for promotional purposes, disgust me. the banner was beautiful, but it loses its aesthetics. i believe that if one banner that captures the innocent trust, the emotional attachment, the unconditional devotion, the unfathomable love, and the effortless moment they smile upon seeing each other of a couple, sells more than just blank beauty and sheer majesty. and THAT is what aesthetic is all about !!! like a ring that spins, it move back to the first statement that i purpose, i thought wedding was a two person thing ~

answering my title, what woman actually sell? a stereotype that how beauty should be towards a bride, that all bride should looks like this on her wedding day? or a woman is solely the portrayal of beauty? well, then man doesn't? so, what exactly are they selling?

We have seen how women are used in the media, especially the image of women being portray of the essence of beauty, that every girl should look like them ~ as for the banner of the wedding parlor, the same thing happens. a woman in "extrinsically" elegant gown is used to publicized, so that people will LIKE it, BUY it, SEE it, and WATCH it [1] ; and that every bride should look like her, beautiful, elegant.

so what woman sells? the product, or herself?

a point to ponder,
jarod lim...

[1] kinsia Eyusa, mass comm (media) student, batch 09/12, discussion on audience and media discourse 19-Apr-2010 14:29:44

something out of the blues

2010-04-19T07:17:00.000-07:00

10:17 pm || exam due wednesday || prep was draggy || pray hard not to die this sem ||

SOOO wanting exams to be over. don't know why the time during exam weeks seemed to stretch like forever and ever. not because i hated exam, but the amount of time that i can spend for myself after exam. someone tends to tell me this :
"why are you always alone while taking meals?"
"how can you eat alone and not ask your friends along?"
but the real question is "why not?"

spending time for yourself is essential. i tend to get tired of hanging out and would always wanna lock myself inside a car and drive for no particular reasons with no directional purposes along the road. and bask aimlessly at the decorations of stabucks, sitting on the same particular place and just listen to the music. Because. I <3 my life.

things tend to get lonely this sem. and hence,, out of no where, feel like writing poems starting NOW... (perhaps one that not rhymes)

the flower pond
the wind caresses the flower buds,
on that beautiful flower pond,
along with incessant rain drops,
mercilessly prickled by the thorns.
but they have each other,
showering love to the pretty flower.

the sun gentle warm touch the floor,
up come a rainbow after the rain,
a scenery everyone would adore,
like a girl's hidden mysterious vain,
yet they have each other,
putting a diamond sparkle,
on every flower.

yup. next sem is gonna rock. these are things wanna do next sem :

1) project century ~
2) finish that poem since form 2 ><
3) buy basketball (if anyone wanna donate)
4) jog often.
5) hang out late at night. (need a car ><)
6) restructure my blog, yay
7) restructure valentine
8) 4.0
9) @ (can't get enough of it)
10)new blog header.
11)tshirt designs whee~
*many more ahead. PNC and official thingy

see ya around, hope i can do what i've written

Jian Yang.

Music at Starbucks

2010-04-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

The soft music warmed the air,
And into my heart they glide,
Like seagulls above the ocean sky.

The rhythm so soothing, the lyrics fine,
Yet they oblige to none,
But to all who are passing by.

Some souls are soothed,
Some hearts deny,
Some stop by the booth,
Some do not comply.

How I wonder why I love spending time here,
Perhaps this puppy love I have in her,
A smoothness of milk,
The strong coffee taste,
Just yet to share with someone dear,

-jian yang-

PS: don't know why, feel like writing poems that don't rhyme in the end of the verses, but those rhythmic sense keep sticking on to me. haha

2010-04-02T05:25:00.000-07:00

i thought i was just being selfish. but now i realized i gone too far. only to know i need you more than you need me.

tonight is gonna be a lonely night :(

untitled

2010-03-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

what are choices when there are strings to pull?
why the actors when the stage is set?
he who payed the play, was he a fool?
there're voices yet to be heard, did they forget?

the purposes had swayed, the meaning not served,
these four days of debating voices and frivolous riot,
aren't we supposed to choose the player who deserved?
had we all become yet another idiot?

said was to improve the growth of the nations,
but actions speak so much of the otherwise,
what i see was fear and dissatisfaction,
but none had done, no solutions be revised.

you are afraid of losing, i see through you,
so you pull the strings just to shade your fear,
you're not seeing the picture, are you thinking through,
that nothing could reach the shore,
if you do not dock the pier.

listen to the waves crushing tide,
that disrupt the calmness of the shore,
there is when we are to decide,
whether to repeat the same mistakes done before.

do we want to stay like this?
not to change ever again,
ignoring the facts, creating fiction,
voices voiced are all in vain.

annonymous

just found out a very piece of paper

2010-03-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

looking through my files, i realized i have this very brilliant piece of poem i have yet to complete it. i think i started writing it since when i am form 2 and that was like 6 years ago. WOW~ i should complete during 3rd sem... Anyone wanna take a peak on that poem? okay, i'll give you guys a snippet...

Girl's Dairy
......
beneath the frame i see,
your arms wrap around me tight,
you had set me free,
and make all wrongs seem right.

Boy's Dairy
......
Was then i came to think o you,
a tender beauty before me lies,
innocence was what i see in you,
and a love look in your eyes.

~jarod

no tickets

2010-03-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

"WHAT?, no tickets? what do you mean by no tickets?"

of course i didn't not ask the last question.i was lost, in the labyrinth of central KL. i circled the floor for a sign, suggesting to myself that i had heard the wrong thing from the receptionist. sigh... i have to find a way to Pudu, just to get a bus back to Ipoh. don't know why, suddenly feel an urge to go back to Ipoh. so here i am, sitting in front my my desktop with the comfort of HOME.

HOME = a place where all things go right.

oh suddenly thought of something >>>>

do you know i love your smile,
cause it looks so fine,
and it took me a while
to realize,
your smile magnifies mine.

Jarod~

QOTD

2010-03-15T17:19:00.001-07:00

people tend to hate because they did not give themselves a chance to realize their capacity to love.

boring semester

2010-03-11T18:52:00.000-08:00

don't know why, i don't seem to like this semester.

everything is so jumbled up.

searching meaning, but what really means now ?

feel like going home =(

the world and the people

2010-03-01T06:52:00.000-08:00

- like any fresh undergraduates, the enthusiasm to take another step forward is so inviting that oftentimes we forget to slow down and ponder, reflect. -

i wonder if it is the world that i should be afraid of, or the people?

my lecturer told me, your dream job might not be as ideal as it seems. and then i thought, how true is that. Living and studying in university have push me to expose the world around me. whether i like it or not, things are like a hypodermic syringe and inject everything in my head and these experiences had let me to perceive the world in a whole different way. the things that i know are so surface. or should i rephrase, the things that i know about the world is so surface that there are truth is always hidden somewhere; under the rug, behind the walls. for example, how much can we believe the news being reported in the newspaper? are the discoveries valid? how much had certain departments paid to cover the true stories? sometimes what we see are lies covering lies and more lies created.

but then, this is seen through an innocent, minor, amateur's eyes. from what i see a heartless act, other might interpret it as a form of protection, or what we all called it - for the greater good. then, we'll always come to a forked path where we, as a part of the world, have the rights to choose whether to agree or disagree on it.

Jarod

peace **

2010-02-26T09:40:00.000-08:00

one is most beautiful when one is loved - Jarod

Finally, finished my VP application. i said i would blog today and i am doing it :)

well, these days have been really peaceful to me. although things are still quite chaotic and there still a lot to be sorted out, i am totally in a peaceful condition. my room is like a place of Zen now. whee~~ but the racing of the worlds didn't befall and and kinda get lazy @@.

many things happened actually but all are beyond my control. some are happy, some are sad. but, what great is, i kinda find a short term goal. i find myself very minor. so small compared to the world outside. we are the many graduates who wants to "DO SOMETHING" but oftentimes do not know where to start. we could not find a platform, even if we do, is that what we want? things are so commercialize these days and judging from how the community care for the society, it was a jaw-dropping image. so much so that we are being ignorant to the world revolving around us. in everybody's eyes, entrepreneur, corporate, professionals are the leaders of the world. who would have cared about the society where we all are actually a part of it? are we started to turn a blind eye towards the growth of our society? is the world revolve around us, or are we the one revolving around the world?

QOTD : miracles stop happening when we cease to care.

Jarod~

how do i love you

2010-02-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

How do I love you, you may ask someday,
Oh listen dear, let me count the ways.
I love you with immeasurable depth,
Or any dimensions you could’ve imagine,
My soul reach your heart, you kept it inside,
I love you with all the imperfections in between,
I love you just like that,
No mask, nor other person you should be,
I love you with this emotion,
That had never been so clear to me.
I love you with a passion that seem to glow,
Like sparkles of the morning dews,
I love you with all the season in the world,
Like a flash of colourful hue.
I love you with a love we gently place,
In our heart, we looked after everyday,
If God ever permit, should this love stay,
I love you with a love, forever and always.

19minutes to class

2010-02-08T21:39:00.000-08:00

embracing the year of the golden tiger, last month was a tough one for me. problems arise at every moment and time spent on solving them are particularly dynamic. as agonizing as it can be, i can only brave myself towards this merciless waves that came crashing to my vessel on my lovely voyage...

i had not written any poems for long. one month perhaps. i could not find any momentum to do so, let alone any stories that come to my mind, every now and then i spend all my time juggling between studies and AIESEC. i was lost somehow, amidst all the workload and unexplainable emotions. luckily i have friends who are there. so thanks, again. (you know who you are) :) teeheex

next would be a greater leap towards success. every second counts now. every decision made hold account to mus of the consequences. i have to make promises to myself, goals to achieve and between all the hustle and bustle, i hope i can slot a little bit of time for my poetic development. haha.

i find myself changing. i am not afraid of dying. in dying then only we could born into eternal life? no, what i mean is, i wanna do a lot of things. i would not quit. for quitters never win and winners never quit. and i hate losing.

now i hate leaving when inspirations came @@ anyway. this is much.

Jian yang /...

无题

2010-01-26T09:12:00.000-08:00

很奇怪，很想告诉你，对不起。但，爱，又有什么可以对不起呢？
这并不是我的错，更加不可能是你的错，根本就没有谁的错。
只是，爱情，没有选择逗留在你身旁，所以，她也渐渐的离开。

irony

2010-01-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

what happen to the month of January? things had been really tough. to say that the work load is very much is something minor to me. what's hard is the choice that i made. simple, but when your heart halt at a labyrinth, then you asked, "where should thee go if there isn't one who guides". torn between the right and wrong choice, who could be so fearless choosing one particular path that guarantees satisfaction and happiness?

i am stressed, but aren't others too? sometimes i refused to understand so much, sometimes i wished so much to complain, but wouldn't it be unfair for those who have much more responsibility than i do ? i mean, who am i to complain when i have so much ?

sometimes i wonder if my choices were right... or, is there right or wrong ?
i am tired.
but there are always things that i gained, and things i sacrificed.

i wish i can do much more. please forgive me~~

PS: it is sometimes so hard to shut your eyes and say you don't care.

jian yang

untitled

2010-01-14T06:22:00.000-08:00

If I choose to fall in love, then I chose to be hurt,
Like a sky so free to soar by a broken winged bird,
This love so real I see, so true to let it go,
But unrequited it is, yet my heart refuse to know.
you’re one angel it is, an angel on earth,
you exceed my capacity, my capacity to love,
I ask nothing more, definitely none from you,
and you can only give me what a friend can do,
you are perfect, I am the one who flawed,
I just hope to see you smile, a request above all,
It doesn’t matter if you hadn’t noticed; let it be subtle still,
I’ll be holding nothing back, cause for you, I will
I am a fool, some say, to love a love no return,
But does it matter when it is of no condition.
But sometimes, I need to mend my heart too,
So that it wouldn’t crumple or turn violet blue.
I can only love you so much, but to no avail,
I need your love to guide my heart’s lost trail,
You made a difference, and you’ve meant so much,
My heart wrenched and reached for your tender touch,
To be loved by you, knowing fairly well you won’t,
The way I wished you to love me, but you don’t,
And it is only fair, to set you free,
Yet the one binding heart is me.

the lost of dynamics

2010-01-13T08:12:00.000-08:00

i wondering what is happening to me. my poem no longer rhymes like it did. something is missing. something DYNAMIC. the beat isn't in place. the rhymes aren't smooth, the words, lost in the sea of sentences. i started to doubt the lines that were once so skillfully craved at the piece of parchment.

but the question remains.

what was missing ?

jian yang~

our sailing journey

2010-01-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

We swing our sails towards the horizon,
Towards, a new journey begins,
We sail through all the tough seasons,
And cherish for one year has end.

We scull for the laughter we share,
Bottoms up, my dear friend,
Our shoulders are free and bare,
Our worries, bury in the sand.

Of all the quarrels and angst, we forgive,
And seek the same from ones we hurt the most,
And now we’re here with rum and olive,
To each and every one of us, we make a toast.

From rough winds and crashing waves,
To sailing under the scorching sun,
Along the journey that we have paved,
We shared love and endless fun.

Life might be just a racing game,
And what’s waiting at the end,
Sometimes it doesn’t matter.
The road we travel might not be the same,
What important are the ones we meet,
And the process we went through together.

It is okay to bump your head a little,
Not afraid to shed a tear,
Cause we have companion whenever,
We face challenges along the year.

And so we are here, sharing a jar of wine,
To the stars that shine, we toast to the sky,
And I pray to the Lord’s divine,
A new year, a new hope,
And an awesome journey as we sail by.

As soft as cotton, as sweet as honey

2009-12-31T02:26:00.000-08:00

You stood there with an innocent stare,
Just inches away from the room,
I wondered why others wouldn’t care,
This sweet looking girl with a gloom,
I traipsed lovingly down the hall,
With steps gracefully taken,
You rush to me upon my call,
No words were there to be spoken,
For your smile sparkles with endless beauty
As soft as cotton, as sweet as honey.

You told me about your classmates,
And how lecturers ruin your day,
And you said you want our dates,
Should not be like that in every way.
But what you didn’t know,
You’ve made me smile,
Just to be there with you,
Listening to you every while,
For your voice capture the natural beauty,
As soft as cotton, as sweet as honey.

We took a little walk at the park,
My hand in yours you held so tight,
I ask if you’re afraid of the dark,
That slowly creeps into the night,
You blush a little, and looked at me,
Press my hands, and ask if I could see,
“That you’re the one that makes me whole,
Someone that makes my heart leaps,
Once, my heart had a hole,
But you mend it with a love so deep,
I do not know what to say,
But you have bring me light,
Through all fathomless darkness,
No, I am not afraid of the night.”
You lean forward and look straight in my eyes,
This love so true, it is never a lie,
“I love you” you said with the deepest emotions,
My heart wobbles with love’s greatest reciprocation.
For that kiss filled our love with beauty,
As soft as cotton, as sweet as honey.

name callings or ?

2009-12-29T02:38:00.000-08:00

its funny though, that this trend had started last semester but I only felt disgusted about it now. living in a country of diverse cultures and religions, leaders and politicians of course hoped to see a unity among peers with different beliefs. however, I find that such practice or more accurately, values, are not being practiced in university. okay let me get straight to the point...

there's this thing about name callings that disgusted me recently that i find it hard not to post it up. Frankly speaking, not all of the undergraduates staying under the same roof knew each other, let alone their names. the all so familiar hi-bye greetings was extinct where you only see people looking at the holes in the sky or cracks on the pavement. and when sometimes i needed to be addressed, often by other mates of different races, we (as in Chinese) are often called "Chinese". etc. "oh, this room Chinese ah"

it was rather acceptable at first. but, in deeper thoughts, wouldn't it be better to addressed one by Hi, or a little tap on the shoulder. i mean, why do we have to use races to differentiate us? Aren't we all just the same? it might sound perfectly normal and generally specific (well if you are in a situation where you're the odd one out) but it IS NOT.

I think i have highlighted this point to ponder.

PS: doesn't your art teacher teach you? Colour forms harmony, as well as destruction.
the border line is clear. its your choice.

Jian Yang

MyLDS : last post

2009-12-23T21:38:00.000-08:00

The blur screen in front of me,
And I was told to write,
The experience I went through,
On that 8 days and 7 night.
But no words could truly explain,
Of what I’ve been through,
That awesome journey on gorgeous plains,
From the north, I now bring to you.

MyLDS, the legendary conference,
Joined by delegates full of dreams and passions,
Together we share valuable experience,
Our voices, our dreams, and our visions.

What I’d learned from this you might ask,
So lot that this page could not fill,
On tough stuffs and challenges in every task,
The fun and troubles amidst the thrill.
I would not go into the practicality,
But what I want to touch is this,
I had learn so much life lessons here,
Those ones that then I had missed.
I’d learned to accept what is thought difficult,
That the slightest things you do, make a difference,
Grab every opportunity when you find possible,
And at the end of the day,
Scull with friends and acquaintances.

Through this conference I can see,
How tiny am I to this world,
But that doesn’t guarantee,
I can’t make a change,
To every boys and girls.

I've met beautiful people there,
With amazing ideas and thoughts,
And how much they are dared,
To go for the dreams they once sought.

Thank YOU for the coolest conference,
Thank YOU for the many inspirations,
And without YOU,
I wouldn’t hold this experience,
That I’ll bring it to the future,
With eternal remembrance.

Jarod, JianYang

MyLDS : a teary end

2009-12-20T17:54:00.000-08:00

it was the last day of MyLDS '09. we had this sharing session with our own LC. and therefore we were asked a question, "are you ready to take a leadership role in AIESEC" i didn't raise my hand. i admitted that i've learned a lot in this MyLDS and i felt like i grew a lot more. from planning to management, handling critical situations and all, i see a greater perspective and how people deal with things. but am i ready for a responsibility role? i wasn't then. but i can say, now I AM.

MyLDS ended with a little sharing from volunteered delegates and some of them reduced to tears. for there's a weigh so strong that was pulling us down in this soil that we had spend the pass eight days on. reluctant, the thought of leaving was unbearable. and all of this was okay. everything was too meaningful.

there are too many lessons learnt in MyLDS. not only leadership but how we handle our lives, friendship, acceptance, love, gratitude. putting every experience in words are really really hard. but as promised, it was legendary.

LC UKM, the hottest LC. (i realized we are great posers... teeheex. :) )

MyLDS Day 3 - 1, 2, say cheese.

2009-12-14T19:41:00.000-08:00

yea, photography sessions :) whee~~ Do you know that UKM @ers have the best LC pic ?

more to come, stay tuned :) (have to scan a bit :) )

MyLDS Day 2 - development and simulation and sculling champions.

2009-12-12T23:53:00.000-08:00

day two and day three unfolded with a packed schedule of self development, courses and group simulations. i was in this "effective communication" that was facilitated by june, fido and mei yee. then we were separated into groups where we were given funny names and calculate the correct answers. what i have learned about effective communication is that to achieve a satisfying communication, we have to recognize priorities and convey the best and understandable message towards the crowd. however, personality did play an important role in it. okay, enough about the days event, let me feed you guys with a little bits of photo.

opps, i forgotten something. PUNISHMENT time.. muahahx the same thing happens in LLDS, that is transferring the coin to the other side. teeheex.

what's special about DAY TWO ? * drums roll *
SCULLING
muhahahax. here i proudly present, THE SCULLER. whoohoo.

yay ~~ ukm's hot to go, just like cup noodles. :)

jian yang~

MyLDS: a huge step towards a LEGENDARY journey.

2009-12-12T23:08:00.000-08:00

MyLDS, the starting of the amazing step in AIESEC journey. no words could have sum up anything of MyLDS. it is just beyond awesome. uniting 300 over delegates, facilitators, Member committees, and international delegates inside a big lecture hall was not just one hell of a sight, but the bonding of such experience is unexplainable.

i guess everyone who can't make it to MyLDS would be so eager to know about what is happening in the 8days conbference in kedah right? suying and shereen if you're reading this.. so... *drum rolls*

Opening plenary of MyLDS. all the facilitators are cheering for our arrival and we danced to the song. it was just plain awesome~

after all the roll calls from delegates, MC, faci, and international delegates, we moved on the to the personal development sessions where we are split into groups. Fido done very well in the creativity and innovative course, i had most of the fun there. really attracted by what was taught and would surely apply it in future projects. what i was really happy about, is Anson got sooo inspired by mei yee, one of the facis, that he decided to stay on for the whole conference :) glad of that and i got to know him better. hahaha he's way cooler than just a cowboy with a white sultry hat. :) way to go anson. we love you, anson, we do.

Anson liew (N-son)

the night unfolds with a very nice gala dinner. we are the first to arrive, so we did a little bit of photo taking and all. although the hall wasn't that grand and it was with badminton court's line on it, but i guess every single one of us enjoyed to the max :)

LCUKM@ers

oh yea yea... the YB came ~ **mengumumkan ketibaan CD team of LCUKM** drums roll.

and all hail the president of red project. :) and dear directors and executive :)

OCP's hot to go

what makes the dinner a blast is that *drums roll*
YAY, we are the first LC who perform our own square dance ON STAGE!! i gotta feeling, Whooohooo~~ THAT VERY NIGHT, IS A GOOD GOOD GOOD NIGHT.

pre-post for MyLDS

2009-12-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

the room was quiet. not distracting by the old mechanical sound projected by the stand fan, i carefully and slowly open up the pieces of paper, as if it will break anytime. i am going to cherish every word they said to me :) Sugar Cubes are sweet :)

to be continued ...

Jian yang

MyLDS

2009-12-03T06:22:00.001-08:00

i was really planning to blog during MyLDS, but Valentine isn't with me... so, guess i'll blogit after the will-be memorable 8 days development seminar :)

what will happen during 8 days in UUM
1. facebook news feed reaching 2400, 300+ per day, hmmmpp.
2. NO PORK!!
3. no comfy bed and bedlinen. only getting used to what i have there.

gee, i thought it is going to reach 10.. its not that bad after all.. muahahax.
anyway

MyLDS i am coming,

rocking UUM :)

with sexy dance moves :)

jian yang~

the chain of love

2009-11-30T19:54:00.001-08:00

a story to share :) hope you enjoy.

Just to be alive and to be service to somebody is a reward - Jo Ann Cayee

He was driving home one evening, on a two-lane country road. Work in this small Midwestern community was almost as slow as his beat-up Pontiac. But he never quit looking. Ever since the Levi’s factory closed, he’d been unemployed, and with winter raging on, the chill had finally hit home.

It was a lonely road. Not very many people had a reason to be on it, unless they were leaving. Most of his friends had already left. They had families to feed and dreams to fulfill. But he stayed on. After all, this was where he buried his mother and father. He was born here and knew the country. He could go down this road blind and tell you what was on either side, and with his headlights not working, that came in handy. It was starting to get dark, and light snow flurries were coming down. He’d better get a move on.

You know, he almost didn’t see the old lady, stranded on the side of the road. But even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe – he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was that chill that only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car, where it’s warm… by the way, my name is Joe.”

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Joe crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty, and his hands hurt. As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down her window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid. Joe just smile as he closed her trunk.

She asked him how much she owed him. An amount would have been all right with her. She had already imagined all the awful things that could’ve happened, had he not stopped. Joe never thought twice about the money. This wasn’t a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way. He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance that they needed, and Joe added, “And think of me.”

He waited ‘til she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight. A few miles down the road the lady saw a small café. She went in to grab a bite to eat and take the chill odd before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her.

The waitress came over and brought a clean towel for her to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole say couldn’t erase. The lady noticed that the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who has so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Joe.

After the lady finished her meal and the waitress went to get her change from a hundred dollar bill, the lady slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. She wondered where the lady could be, when she noticed something written on a napkin. There were tear in her eyes, when she read what the lady wrote. It said,

You don’t owe me a thing.
I’ve been there, too.
Someone once helped me out,
The way I am helping you.
If you really want to pay me back,
Here’s what you do,
Don’t let the chain of love end with you.

That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could she have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard. She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping nest to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “everything’s gonna be alright. I love you, Joe.”

Jonnie Barnett and Rory Lee
[note: this is a true story derived from the song of the same name]

Adapted from Chicken Soup for the Country Soul. Pg:22

untitled~

2009-11-21T18:49:00.000-08:00

every time i looked at you,
i feel our distance grew apart,
you came in out of the blue,
and you stole my heart.

my heart traveled an aimless course,
with no cushions of roses to ride,
with an endless route, i am lost,
for your heart ain't there to guide.

i can only bask in your affection,
your beautiful smile seemed so fine,
but little did you know that,
your smile has magnifies mine.

this love separated by invisible distance,
that mere words could never ever relate,
let alone this mixed emotions,
my heart you aren't there to reciprocate.

jian yang~

a sudden thought of aggression.

2009-11-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

sometimes we love someone so much that it hurts to see them cry.

the throbbing heart failed to resist the temptation of leaping out the static rib cage and escape the endless and invisible spears that bombarded frivolously from without. it was something emotions over mind, that rational thoughts did not manage to comprehend the sudden eruption of congested feelings trapped within the soul. and our hands gladly landed blows and blows on the attackers.

how often that we see ourselves hating the one hurting our loved ones the most? to say that we have not even a slightest prejudice towards them is usually premature. because we will feel that they are a potential threat to our loved ones, and thus causing us to avoid getting to know them, or start to despise them.

question is, is it okay to do so, hating the one hurting our loved ones the most?
is it necessary? is it our business anyway?
sometimes seeing our loved ones crying, it hurts so much that we would rather replace the hurt with our own souls. but would that help to calm him/her anyway?

you see, we influenced each other in someway. our judgement are inevitably altered/influenced. it is a normal approach to develop a certain dislike to the one hurting our loved ones the most. rationally, it wasn't nice though. as well as to hinder it, we might as well accept it as something we felt but always tell ourselves to never pass judgement to anyone. it is a simple and voluntary act of protection, forming a shield around our kindled soul. perhaps, one's responsibility here is simply being there when someone bump his/her head. perhaps, a solution isn't the solution, whereas a warm shoulder would be just perfect to dry the tears. mother teresa once said, "if you judge them, you have no time to love them," let alone hating them. :)

hating and animosity is never once part of the plan. but, we are guided by feelings and emotions. yet, we had desperately miss out that it doesn't matter anymore about what will happen to the attacker. because, what matters most on that particular situation is how are we going to help pick up the pieces and patch the heart back again.

and not everyone is willing to stay and make a difference.

Stay
a great listening ear,
is one broken heart sewn,
when one speaks of the fears,
gripping one’s heart between.

To hate someone,
Who hurts the one you adore,
Is like tinder under the sun,
It only burns the core.

To seek revenge is never a solution,
Nor animosity part of the plans,
To calm and sooth one’s emotions,
You need to hold their hands.

But not many stay,
For they think it is not theirs to mind,
Yet, stay anyway,
You’ll be thrilled of what you’ll find.

That you had made a difference,
You helped clear the rain,
Love with the simplest innocence,
Care,
though you thought it is in vain.

Jian yang~

My @ Xperience

2009-11-16T04:28:00.000-08:00

it is only weird to not blog about things that make up a big part of my life. to think of it while looking through my post, i haven't really blogged about AIESEC. muahahax.

everyone's AIESEC experience, is different, personal. some begins with Xchange, while some not knowing anything about it at first and slowly falling in love into it. what's different about my AIESEC experience from other is that, i knew the AIESEC before i joined it. i think it was form five that i got to hang around with AIESECer from UKM, my brother and interns from Romania, Marius blajut, who is the OC of EYLN back then and Tomoko from Japan. at first, when i started to join AIESEC, i thought i am going to miss the thrill of getting to know AIESEC, like the others do. but well, it seems like the thrill doesn't end there. painted a blurred picture by bro, i started to know more and more about it.

i guessed everyone is recruited from the AIESEC booth at Pusanika during the co-curricular week, but well, i kinda knock on the AIESEC room and ask if i can join. it was SERIOUSLY awkward. i get blank stares from fellow AIESECers and well, it was alright though :) after some time, i got to know that i am the only one doing that. == oh well.

Global Village is hot to go. not to say a cultural shock, but i was rather dumbfounded by it. seriously honest and honestly serious, i have never seen so many people in one ballroom and they are from different countries and states. with different cultures, religion and language blended together, the atmosphere wasn't foreign anymore, for all of us came with the same goal in one international organization. it really gave me a great insight about the AIESEC and the world. yup, tried out a lot of food and get to know various country that i didnt once come to know about. they even have cute stuffy toys to symbolize their country, well, and thats cool. whee~~ i'll let some pictures do the talking.

he looked like zachary quinto :)

she's beautiful, bulgaria

outside the Palace of the Golden Horses

LCP AIESEC in UKM. cool~

IC 2009 (international congress) followed the day's event. it was, unexpectedly short i can say, but the speeches are nice. a few alumni did went to the function. so...
WWM, warna-warni Malaysia. was AWESOME!! first time in batik. it is kinda like few months ago, the the feelings kinda fade a little, that explains the short post about it. hahahaha.

IC 2009, alumni and AIESECer

WWM was a great experience. happy to be there :)

SUGAR CUBES. small and sweet. it was the first thing introduced in LLDS. LLDS doesn't end with sweet memories, because there's a second round to reinforce it. some are very sweet, some surprising and some are those you never expect to get. well, you know what i mean. i can say sugar cubes make out the best parts of it. maybe because you get to know things that other AIESECers wouldn't tell you in person, but you'll see it in sugar cubes, and that makes all the difference. its like a kik that give you an arterial burst of excitement.

all hail SCULLING. no, it wasn't the game that you see it in olympics. two teams racing on which to finish the drink fastest. of course, with some rules. it was an crazily awesome game that ends the night of LLDS :)

LLDS 2009

then there ware AGs. it started with brief introductions and developed into something that i tend to look forward to. not forgetting the square dance, it never fail to energize me in some way. well, not like any other society, AGs were something really really different. we had world cafe, one session where we shared opinions on hot controversial (sometimes not that controversial) issues; speed dating, then making lanterns out of papers, satay sticks, candles of course. speaking of satay, it reminds me of the dutch ambassador who loves satay alot. haha.. well, AGs were nice. in some way, i get to know undergraduates from different faculty with outspoken personality, seniors who is not so much of a senior but as a friend, professionalism, and so much more. sooo looking forward to second semester's AGs. :)

the last AG was a blast. the CD team did some introduction and the new Square dance. lets see, i dance for like 4 times already. but i really like to thank the CD team for giving me such inspiration to complete the SD. without you guys, it woldn't be as awesome. so.. thank A LOT. and chia ying, if you're seeing this (really sorry that you can't make it to MyLDS) but, i wanna tell you that you're a part of the square dance, you helped a lot. :) yea, it cool. that would be most awesome AG since. whee~

one big happy family :)

YAY~~ not forgetting The Red Project. it is a project on HIV/AIDS. i've met some very cool interns, arthur, vike, raisa, and rowena. they did a really great job in conducting workshops. *applauds* yea.

JAYA~~!!

yup, i think i have blogged out most of it.. haha. what interest me about AIESEC is the people. i was much younger back then when i hang out with the alumnis of @UKM, most of the people will think i was a "Generation gap" despite the considerably small difference, but i felt fit in there. it wasn't something that occurs much in the society. you can see that people judge you even you're in the same age with them, (in this case, age wasn't a matter) but not in AIESEC. its just a very different feeling. feelings that are vivid.

SEMBAng sembang slot:
question : does AIESEC mean anything to you.
answer (back then) : to say it mean something, would be a little premature, cause i just came for AIESEC night and... you know
i guess i have a better answer now :)

i am an AIESEC-er
jian yang.

A series of stale events

2009-11-07T23:29:00.000-08:00

wake up, study, lunch, study, dinner, Facebook, study, supper. the kind of things that you will do when you're sleep walking. exams period was very (i mean very very very) stale. it seems like the air has stopped moving and the earth spins twice as slow. forget counting down the days, it is going to be just as slow as you aren't counting it. dang~

however, one part that i like about exam is that exams give me endless inspiration to write. poems, you name it. had been composing like three of four poems in the month. *applauds* whee~~ stay tuned for more exciting and heart warming verses that decorates this space of mine.

i am starting to feel excited because holiday is approaching. lets see... To kill a mocking bird, the sisters, twilight and new moon. i would like to finish these four books, and some communication books. the only problem is that i don't know where to find those books. so, if anyone has Julia T wood on communication please drop me a note. hahaha :) oh yea, any nice books to recommend do drop by also. preferred genre: love and romance, motivation, erm, sugar and spice and anything nice-lar.

okay, break time over, resuming my overly routine-d studies. someone, please spice up my life *desperation*

as usual,

jian yang